Damn dude. I really feel for you. :/ Just... that's gotta be hard. People are much more brave on paper than they are in real life, and I for one applaud you for being brave enough to show up in person. Standing up in what you know is true. Don't ever give up. Don't let shit get to you. (Though, you already know this, and don't need me to say it.)
I'm afraid that one day I'll snap and go full Breivik. I really don't want to, because every fiber of my body is against it. I believe in law and order, but... this... There is no other thing that I'm able to hate with
cold hate, you know? My hate, my anger are like fire feasting on the dry brushwood or explosion - extremely hot and intense but short. Really, it's really rare to see me remembering, caring, carrying a grief after taking a sleep, sometimes even after couple dozen of minutes. But in this case... It's kinda inhumane, it's absoutely not like me.
Apart from that, today in the tram I met a hobo that has fallen so low, that it's hard to describe. Swollen legs looking jut like stamps and ulcers, but what was the worst... degenerated mind. He just stood there mumbling incomprehensibly, grunting and moaning. There was no point in even trying to help him: it was like looking on a dead man. And he wasn't even drunk or alcoholic, I'd smell that. Maybe drugs, who knows, but I don't think so. I hated that. I hated him, just as I hate old people. I don't want to be close to them, I despise them, I'm afraid of them. I'm so terribly afraid because I know that I'm going to end just like them. It's unfair. That they must go through it, it's ridiculous, unfair and cruel. That all life must turn into a wrinked potatoe and then end in the soil and rot. I hate them, I'm afraid of them and I'm terribly sorry for them, wishing that it could be undone.
So if I ever turn into something like that man I met today. Please show mercy and kill me. I don't want to lose my dignity like that.
Overall, it was a very bad day.
Oh wait... I made a honest and serious post. Something's wrong with me today...