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Time To Be Serious: Huge amounts of guilt over little things.

Volkodav

Dad****er
Okay.
So it's time to be serious for a minute.
Let me know if any of you guys have ever felt like this.

When I was young, I'd get mad and throw something. Maybe break it sometimes. I remember getting mad at my dad and throwing the remote, the plastic...casing? idk, anyways it fell apart and he hit me. Later on, I was doing paint-by-numbers with my mom, painting pictures for me, my brother and my sister. Anyways, fast forward a bit and I was fighting with my mom, I went up and ripped my sister's painting that we made for her in half, my mom came up and hit me.
These weren't the only occasions this has happened, but I think they may tie into what I'm about to say.
Whenever I break or throw something [even if it doesn't break], no matter how small or useless or garbage it is - I feel overwhelming guilt and depression. I don't know why, maybe it was because of what happened when I was younger? Anything. It can literally be anything.
I threw an empty Tylenol bottle earlier 'cause I was mad [it was garbage] and I literally felt like shit. I thought that maybe I felt this way was because my dad originally bought the Tylenol bottle [a long time ago, I have no idea why I'm still holding onto it], I was somehow offending him? I can't think of a better word for it.

Anyways.
Do you guys know why I might feel this way? Do any of you guys ever feel this way?

Thanks.
 

Telnac

Fundamentalist Heretic
Dude, therapy.

My father would throw the TV remote at me if I so much as said I was sick (after I'd already thrown up in my bed.) I learned to adapt and not care so much. Seriously, why worry worry over mere things? Ultimately, everything, no matter how valuable today, will be worthless in days to come.
 

Leon

Hot sammiches and cold beer.
I think you feel this way becuase you connect it with getting hit and the sadness that you felt when you were younger.
 

Volkodav

Dad****er
Dude, therapy.

My father would throw the TV remote at me if I so much as said I was sick (after I'd already thrown up in my bed.) I learned to adapt and not care so much. Seriously, why worry worry over mere things? Ultimately, everything, no matter how valuable today, will be worthless in days to come.

That's what I mean though. I care about dumb little things like this.
I don't care about things like.. what people think of me or anything. I care about things like keeping useless objects, throwing stuff [like that tylenol bottle], scratching a wall, anything.
It's easy to say "get over it", it's a lot harder for me then that. This has been going on for years.
 

Leon

Hot sammiches and cold beer.
Lmao


That's what I'm thinking. Connecting it with that "oh shit I'm gonna' get hit for this" feeling.

Is there anything else that happens other than feelings of depression and sadness? If you dont feel comfortable talkin through this PM me.
 

Volkodav

Dad****er
Is there anything else that happens other than feelings of depression and sadness? If you dont feel comfortable talkin through this PM me.

I immediately want to go and get whatever I've thrown.
Depression, guilt and sadness.
 

Leon

Hot sammiches and cold beer.
I immediately want to go and get whatever I've thrown.
Depression, guilt and sadness.

How bad does the depression get?
 

Leon

Hot sammiches and cold beer.

footfoe

Beware of Molesters
Yeah i'm really guilty about being a pedophile when i was 11. God i can't believe i was so into 12 year olds back then.
It's sickening really
 

Leon

Hot sammiches and cold beer.

Fuh

New Member
Would you mind PMing me so we could talk at better length?

I second this. OH HAI, I AM PSYCHOLOGY STUDENT, AND MIGHT HAVE AN IDEA ABOUT HOW TO HELP? :3

But if it happened before the age of nine, chances are yeah, the things with your parents have influenced you heavily. I'd be really interested to know about other reactions to certain things.

Have some peppermint tea in the meantime?

Feel free to PM me if you'd like to chat, or discuss in more detail, or even just have a rant or something :)
 
Nope.
I am a perfectionist person with no family problems or fights.
I get mad but keep it inside me and save it a few years.
After the few years I let it out by being unoridinary mean and careless.
Even that is not too effective.
Like everybody else, I am ready to talk, but unlike everyone else, I am a person that pretends to be different than I really am. I am a mastermind that likes to play with other people's minds and suck information from them. Some don't trust me and eventually become masterminds themselves and some lose to it and get frustrated. So be happy, at least you are not me.
 

KirbyCowFox

Muu-bitch!
Buy a punching bag or a beanie baby to throw when you're over the edge. From the way it sounds, you're just letting out steam. But when you let out steam in the past on those two occasions you let out steam on things that, you... Shouldn't let steam out on? I dunno how to word it. But what you're doing is natural to an extent, you just need to learn to control it a bit.
 

Qoph

omurr
I dunno what your relationship with your parents is, or if they're still alive, but if you could talk to them about these things it might help.
 

Nargle

HOOT
I think a similar thing happened to me. For some reason, whenever I would have plain icecream, there was always a situation where my mom would end up yelling at me. Not because of the icecream, it just happened to always happen that way. Now I cannot eat icecream without feeling extremely depressed. If it has chunks of something like cookie dough in it, that's okay, but never plain icecream, or soft-serve, or milkshakes, etc. I think it's pretty crummy that parents think they've got your best interest in mind, but end up causing perminant damage that doesn't end up helping you in life at all.
 

Volkodav

Dad****er
Buy a punching bag or a beanie baby to throw when you're over the edge. From the way it sounds, you're just letting out steam. But when you let out steam in the past on those two occasions you let out steam on things that, you... Shouldn't let steam out on? I dunno how to word it. But what you're doing is natural to an extent, you just need to learn to control it a bit.
Hmmm good point. I'll try it. I've done that before but on walls. Had to cover them up with posters before my dad saw.

I dunno what your relationship with your parents is, or if they're still alive, but if you could talk to them about these things it might help.
My dad's the kinda' guy that will pretty much say "oh okay.".

I think a similar thing happened to me. For some reason, whenever I would have plain icecream, there was always a situation where my mom would end up yelling at me. Not because of the icecream, it just happened to always happen that way. Now I cannot eat icecream without feeling extremely depressed. If it has chunks of something like cookie dough in it, that's okay, but never plain icecream, or soft-serve, or milkshakes, etc. I think it's pretty crummy that parents think they've got your best interest in mind, but end up causing perminant damage that doesn't end up helping you in life at all.
Oh man that's really weird. I can understand how that works out though, what with your mom yelling at you as a kid. Maybe we're just connecting the thing with past experiences.
 

Volkodav

Dad****er
I second this. OH HAI, I AM PSYCHOLOGY STUDENT, AND MIGHT HAVE AN IDEA ABOUT HOW TO HELP? :3

But if it happened before the age of nine, chances are yeah, the things with your parents have influenced you heavily. I'd be really interested to know about other reactions to certain things.

Have some peppermint tea in the meantime?

Feel free to PM me if you'd like to chat, or discuss in more detail, or even just have a rant or something :)
I'd be willing to talk to you about this for sure. Want me to PM right now?

Nope.
I am a perfectionist person with no family problems or fights.
I get mad but keep it inside me and save it a few years.
After the few years I let it out by being unoridinary mean and careless.
Even that is not too effective.
Like everybody else, I am ready to talk, but unlike everyone else, I am a person that pretends to be different than I really am. I am a mastermind that likes to play with other people's minds and suck information from them. Some don't trust me and eventually become masterminds themselves and some lose to it and get frustrated. So be happy, at least you are not me.
I'm the same way I guess. Though I bottle up my anger, sometimes take it out by throwing things but always end up by physically fighting.
 
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