stellatae
Member
Hi everyone, before I get into it I wanted to put some trigger warnings just in case. Additionally, I read the forum rules, but if I missed one or just messed up, please let me know!
tw: depression, anxiety, ADHD, OCD, cancer, tumour, chronic illness.
I'm not the best at wording things, and my thoughts tend to be chaotic, but I'm going to try my best. I don't know how to express what I'm feeling a lot but if I were to try I'd say tired. I have been diagnosed with general & social anxiety, ADHD, OCD, and Severe depression and I'm working with my doctor on other matters. I know they affect my daily life and I truly try and do my best considering. I really just need to write it all down and I don't know maybe it'll help.
Money.
One problem almost everyone will have. I've never been someone who has had a lot of money or been able to buy things without thought, and I've gotten used to it. It still hurts when I see people purchase things without thought but I get it. It's life. Getting a job might be something you're thinking about. I can report that I do have one. It's a minimum wage job at a Gas Station and I have worked there for 4+ years now. The problem with it now? Every time I work it destroys me mentally. The customers are cruel and rude, and the recent world events showed me they don't care for my life.
Alright, so get a career, and that should be better. It 100% would be compared to my current job but that begs the question - what. I have no idea what I want to do or if I'm good at anything. What if I'm not? I don't mind doing the same thing daily, I like to help people, but I don't want to work with the public anymore. There are so many options out there I get so easily stimulated I just shut down. I want to do something with my life but I have no idea what.
I applied for disability but got denied due to it not being "permanent" even though it is, was diagnosed by the doctor, and even approved by the government for my OSAP loan. I even disputed the choice, it got sent to the wrong place, and I'm not panicking because I may have fricked my only chance. I have no idea how to reapply, or what I'm supposed to do, and stressing my family about this is something I can't do.
My grandmother, who has been treated for brain tumours for the past year-plus, deserves to have the end of her life be something happy and pleasant. My dad, someone I adore all my life, has been diagnosed with Crohn's disease a chronic condition that went misdiagnosed for 30+ years of her life and an accident in 2010 where she broke her spine 4 times. Adding on that she is trans, and the trauma she has of her childhood, I feel horrible bothering her. She feels like she needs to fix and do everything.
I admit that so many of my issues tie into money. I genuinely want to improve my life, my family's life, but it seems like every moment that I get ahead, the universe throws something at me.
I've recently got into art and I am happy I did. I enjoy drawing and learning, but it brings its own struggles too. I have trouble with many tutorials that are posted online as I can't understand them sometimes. There are many points friends have mentioned they had to translate something so I understand it. I am lucky to have a friend who is also learning to draw but we tend to draw different things and there are many things she just does not do or know either. I'd love to have someone to throw ideas with, talk to, and just interact with but finding them?
I don't even know if anything will come of this but I feel better. A bit at least. If you relate to any of those, I wish you well and hope it improves, and if you don't I still wish the same. I hope one day I can look back at this post and smile because things have changed.
tw: depression, anxiety, ADHD, OCD, cancer, tumour, chronic illness.
I'm not the best at wording things, and my thoughts tend to be chaotic, but I'm going to try my best. I don't know how to express what I'm feeling a lot but if I were to try I'd say tired. I have been diagnosed with general & social anxiety, ADHD, OCD, and Severe depression and I'm working with my doctor on other matters. I know they affect my daily life and I truly try and do my best considering. I really just need to write it all down and I don't know maybe it'll help.
Money.
One problem almost everyone will have. I've never been someone who has had a lot of money or been able to buy things without thought, and I've gotten used to it. It still hurts when I see people purchase things without thought but I get it. It's life. Getting a job might be something you're thinking about. I can report that I do have one. It's a minimum wage job at a Gas Station and I have worked there for 4+ years now. The problem with it now? Every time I work it destroys me mentally. The customers are cruel and rude, and the recent world events showed me they don't care for my life.
Alright, so get a career, and that should be better. It 100% would be compared to my current job but that begs the question - what. I have no idea what I want to do or if I'm good at anything. What if I'm not? I don't mind doing the same thing daily, I like to help people, but I don't want to work with the public anymore. There are so many options out there I get so easily stimulated I just shut down. I want to do something with my life but I have no idea what.
I applied for disability but got denied due to it not being "permanent" even though it is, was diagnosed by the doctor, and even approved by the government for my OSAP loan. I even disputed the choice, it got sent to the wrong place, and I'm not panicking because I may have fricked my only chance. I have no idea how to reapply, or what I'm supposed to do, and stressing my family about this is something I can't do.
My grandmother, who has been treated for brain tumours for the past year-plus, deserves to have the end of her life be something happy and pleasant. My dad, someone I adore all my life, has been diagnosed with Crohn's disease a chronic condition that went misdiagnosed for 30+ years of her life and an accident in 2010 where she broke her spine 4 times. Adding on that she is trans, and the trauma she has of her childhood, I feel horrible bothering her. She feels like she needs to fix and do everything.
I admit that so many of my issues tie into money. I genuinely want to improve my life, my family's life, but it seems like every moment that I get ahead, the universe throws something at me.
I've recently got into art and I am happy I did. I enjoy drawing and learning, but it brings its own struggles too. I have trouble with many tutorials that are posted online as I can't understand them sometimes. There are many points friends have mentioned they had to translate something so I understand it. I am lucky to have a friend who is also learning to draw but we tend to draw different things and there are many things she just does not do or know either. I'd love to have someone to throw ideas with, talk to, and just interact with but finding them?
I don't even know if anything will come of this but I feel better. A bit at least. If you relate to any of those, I wish you well and hope it improves, and if you don't I still wish the same. I hope one day I can look back at this post and smile because things have changed.
