Vent Thread

[Fcomega121]

It has taken so long for me to realize that I'm a f**king scary b*tch. I'm usually too caught up being afraid of other people to realize that I'm acting "psycho."

I don't do it on purpose. It's just me.

You aren't, you are a really nice person xith, I believe you're really cool to talk with!
I hope everything goes well for you

I'll miss seeing you around the forum

 

[Minerva_Minx]

This is less of a vent but more of a disturbing observation that I've recently made about myself.

While I've been pouring tons of effort into calcifying my position within my first two Maslow Levels, I think this has unfortunately come at the expense of my psychological health. I haven't been paying attention to it at all because my go-to strategy--one that I've been running for the past 3 years--is to just sort of armor up mentally, bar the gates of my psyche, and sort of angrily bludgeon my way through life like a bull with a rancid attitude.

See, before my present situation, my life chronology in Texas went something like this (circa 2019 to 2020):

1) Move out of my parent's house on bad terms to go live with my dad.
2) Deal with my dad's bullshit.
3) Stop being homeless after dad my kicked me out.
4) Get out of debt by throwing down 55+ hour workweeks at whatever jobs I could secure.

Armor was donned, gates were barred, and the bull was unleashed during this period. You were either stepped on, stepped over, or stepped around. No amount of Karens, Kyles, wannabe thugs, life hiccups, psychopathic bosses, or general normie dickwads could stop me. My hatred for people was further reinforced during this period as well. If you tried to get close to me, I sort of gradually rejected you because I couldn't afford to have you fuck up my flow. I didn't trust you and we didn't have anything in common anyway.

Running this play made sense at the time because my first two Maslow Levels hadn't been satisfied. I didn't have the cognitive bandwidth to worry about all of the fluffy stuff. But then I solved all of these problems. Things ran smoothly for a while.

But I never took the armor off, I didn't open the gates, and I never put that bull back into its cage.

Then this grim revelation hit.

And so right now it's just:

1) Make the money.

2) DCA half of it into index funds and other investment vehicles so that I can hopefully retire from this wages slave nightmare by around 45.

3) Stomach normies blithering normy bullshit on the daily. Worst one is my current manager. Man is a perfect caricature of a modern married male: chivalrous to the point of simpdom, masterful at self-delusion ("You just need to decide that you're happy!"), and thoroughly locked into the system via a house note, probably one or two car notes, a wife, and some kids. He's a good person, but he and I are like Ying and Yang. We couldn't be any more different.

But do you see something wrong in that list? See something missing? There are no friends in this list. No family. It's literally wakeup, work, eat, sleep, get paid, sock the money away in one of several Fidelity accounts, and maybe sort of fart around on a dying hero shooter played by thousands of people who hate each other.

I can't believe I'm about to utter the following given how much shit I give so many people on here for being soft and weak, but I think what I'm feeling is genuine loneliness. I'm separated from my immediate family (who I love with all of my heart) by about 1,400 miles and my dad, who I am cool with now, is in California on business. My blood knows how I am and I feel safe around them. I like them. I trust them. We share interests.

But I have no friends in Texas. Shit's fucked.

My steel is resolute. Always will be. But I'd been lying if I sat here and said that this stuff wasn't getting heavier with each passing day.

Solution is to just go get friends, right? Become interesting. Do interesting stuff. Have something worth bringing to the conversation table.

Problem: because I'm so hardened emotionally and detached from other people by such a massive degree, I have this..."aura" of subtle anger (and possibly insecurity) about me. Resting bitch face doesn't help, either. And I think people pick up on this energy. And they react accordingly by throwing out little jabs that I match with more armor, more wall barring, and an angrier bull. Cycle continues. You all know how it is. Armor up; bar those gates; let the bull out.

Truly, I respect this aspect of my persona. It got me to where I am today. Effective. Utilitarian. Brutal. And it's absolutely unwavering.

But it's literally impossible to make friends when you're operating like this 24/7.

Advice and opinions are like a butthole, everyone has one and they all stink.

First off, congrats. Weird to hear, but congrats. This realization happened to me as well: all the advice, help, blah, blah, blah I heard on what I needed to reach my goals? It was that same advice. So, like you, I quit following it. Omg, like you I hate aspects of it. I was retired at 40 and got my job after two weeks because I was bored. So, if I may.

I'm happily married to the woman I love. i don't worry so much on things. I am an engineer because i want to do the job. If I'm fired? Meh. Want to go somewhere? Options. My friends work as hard as I do, but we enjoy the company. We hang because we want to. There's no expectations, no competition, no quid pro quo. Guy or gal, it's what do we want to do with who we want to be with. We're all friends, if not family.

It's lonely at first, but I wouldn't trade quantity of friends for quality of friends at all. I teach this philosophy to whomever listens, but gotta say not many look at the lifestyle as a valuable endeavor.

As far as people. I don't know how best to approach them, either. I just be myself and let the chips fall as they will.

 

[quoting_mungo]

Wisdom tooth out. Wadded up gauze in my mouth to stop bleeding tastes icky and just almost triggered my gag reflex. (Pretty sure throwing up is on the list of "avoid doing this after oral surgery.") Am now going to curl up and try to get some more sleep, and once I get out of bed proper I'll probably regret not staying up another hour to take acetaminophen before the local wears off. AHWELL 6:30 is like 3-5 hours earlier than I usually get out of bed I wanna SLEEP.

EDIT: Owwie! Local started wearing off even before the “don’t eat or drink for two hours” was up. Hopefully it’ll chill out, and it doesn’t get too bad. Last time was manageable with painkillers but this one is not very kind.

 

[Frank Gulotta]

Doing some YCHs from spare sketches more than covers my gas expenses and i like doing that for me audience as I never do commissions anymore
But they tend to be scalped by always the same people
Worst part is I shouldn't even be annoyed by this

 

[Luxibutt]

Are you this fucking lazy? I'm taking care of your father, not the household. I'm not cleaning up after you, I'm cleaning after your father, not you. Stop leaving trash at the door and expect me to take it out. You can do it. You are on your computer for hours. You can take that time to throw it out. I took out the trash sometimes because I wanted to help a little. But you're taking advantage of it. Do you even take care of your father properly? I'm not trying to cast the first stone, but I don't like when he asks me to work the weekends because he doesn't trust his daughter to change his diapers during the weekend. I hope this changes soon since you want to take care of him when I'm off.

 

[Frank Gulotta]

I wish I knew what's wrong with my blood pressure. My physician didn't detect anything but it doesn't change the fact I'm occasionally not doing too great, I would ask the internet but they would tell me I have cancer

 

[ben909]

do you get very upset easly, that can sometimes cause spikes, although i don't know if this helpful

 

[Turbid_Cyno]

I wish I knew what's wrong with my blood pressure. My physician didn't detect anything but it doesn't change the fact I'm occasionally not doing too great, I would ask the internet but they would tell me I have cancer

For me it ended up being a combination of Sleep Apnea and the fact I drink too much.

 

[Turbid_Cyno]

You would think it would be easier to find dart flights with foxes on them. It's not like it's a niche furry item.

 

[Frank Gulotta]

For me it ended up being a combination of Sleep Apnea and the fact I drink too much.

oh boy

 

[Punji]

Drinking, smoking, and obesity are three of the most common causes of hypertension, resulting in high blood pressure. There are a huge volume of potential causes though, such as excessive stress or sodium intake.

If your doctor feels it's becoming a real danger you could ask him for a medication that might help, but exercise and diet are usually the most commonly suggested treatments. It can be difficult to go back but it's important to keep a handle on it. Cardiovascular disease is one of the top killers in the Western world.

 

[Firuthi Dragovic]

You would think it would be easier to find dart flights with foxes on them. It's not like it's a niche furry item.

Apparently there's a Chinese dart brand called "Fox Smiling".

I only know this because I tried to search for the item myself in response to your post. And one of their designs for dart flights looks like a howling wolf, that's as close as I got so far.

I don't know if this is throwing off the searches enough, though.

 

[a sleepy kitty]

Drinking, smoking, and obesity are three of the most common causes of hypertension, resulting in high blood pressure. There are a huge volume of potential causes though, such as excessive stress or sodium intake.

If your doctor feels it's becoming a real danger you could ask him for a medication that might help, but exercise and diet are usually the most commonly suggested treatments. It can be difficult to go back but it's important to keep a handle on it. Cardiovascular disease is one of the top killers in the Western world.

I stopped buying and eating fast food and drinking soda last week. So far I lost 5 to 6 lbs and I feel a lot better too.

 

[WhiteFur]

Arghhhhh! I messed up a lot in the beginning when I was playing drums for my band. I eventually realized that the track was muted

 

[Minerva_Minx]

Some day, love will find me.....
Some day she will come and soothe me...
Crazy she calls me
And crazy for pracrastinating am I....

 

[a sleepy kitty]

Giving a general rating to and using three tiny little bars to censor someone's youknowwhats in art, when 80% of said youknowwhats are clearly still visable is rather annoying... considering FA has minors who use their website.

 

[Firuthi Dragovic]

*sigh*

My parents are WAY too obsessed with minmaxing on my finances.

They tried to get me to return underwear I ordered online because it fit badly and the waistband fell apart.

I'm sorry, but that is one item you never try to return!

There's a huge laundry list of incidents like this, like trying to convince me to treat getting five dollars back like it's actually a meaningful thing. Yet I see how damn much they spend on booze (unlike most cases of this they're actually not perpetual drunks, their alcohol choices are just expensive), among other things.

I will be glad when I move out just because I won't have to deal with these incidents anymore.

I already know the basic savings tricks. But they're trying to pressure me into hoarding money more than it actually matters. I've used the situation to, on average, save half of each paycheck in a savings account, but it isn't enough for these two. And they keep insisting "we're not criticizing" when I HAVE TOLD THEM REPEATEDLY TO STOP MAKING THESE KINDS OF COMMENTS!

The fact that I can save half my paycheck at all should indicate I don't have the abusive situations that mandate that level of scrimping to survive. They think they're preparing me for the real world.... no, I already did as much prep as I can learn to do at this point. Only real-world experience will get this to turn out any better.

 

[Minerva_Minx]

*sigh*

My parents are WAY too obsessed with minmaxing on my finances.

They tried to get me to return underwear I ordered online because it fit badly and the waistband fell apart.

I'm sorry, but that is one item you never try to return!

There's a huge laundry list of incidents like this, like trying to convince me to treat getting five dollars back like it's actually a meaningful thing. Yet I see how damn much they spend on booze (unlike most cases of this they're actually not perpetual drunks, their alcohol choices are just expensive), among other things.

I will be glad when I move out just because I won't have to deal with these incidents anymore.

I already know the basic savings tricks. But they're trying to pressure me into hoarding money more than it actually matters. I've used the situation to, on average, save half of each paycheck in a savings account, but it isn't enough for these two. And they keep insisting "we're not criticizing" when I HAVE TOLD THEM REPEATEDLY TO STOP MAKING THESE KINDS OF COMMENTS!

The fact that I can save half my paycheck at all should indicate I don't have the abusive situations that mandate that level of scrimping to survive. They think they're preparing me for the real world.... no, I already did as much prep as I can learn to do at this point. Only real-world experience will get this to turn out any better.

I empathize.

Like I said before, mine constantly give me bad advice, which I totally ignore, only to come back later and ask for more money.

They asked me once to fix their car. I bought a couch.

 

[ben909]

... my dads real mom is unfit to make her own choices, and ...

 

[Minerva_Minx]

... my dads real mom is unfit to make her own choices, and ...

I feel this is the title of a thread

Edit: sorry bad joke. Mine had dementia.

 

[quoting_mungo]

Why did I need to go around to the neighbors cubby-corner to me to ask them to turn it the hell down at 1 am last night? Y’all are grown-ass adults and shouldn’t need to be told it’s inappropriate to play your music that loud, outside, that late at night. Could’ve walked three blocks away and still heard it clearly.

Feeling awful today between the fuckery being up late did to my sleep schedule and my mouth hurting. Like, pain level was higher first day (knock on wood that remains true), but there’s something really… pervasive about the quality of the pain that makes me feel shitty and kinda malaise-y.

Giving a general rating to and using three tiny little bars to censor someone's youknowwhats in art, when 80% of said youknowwhats are clearly still visable is rather annoying... considering FA has minors who use their website.

It’s also against the rules; report it and staff will rerate the submission when they handle the ticket.

They tried to get me to return underwear I ordered online because it fit badly and the waistband fell apart.

I'm sorry, but that is one item you never try to return!

You’re right, but if they fall apart after like… a couple of uses, that might be the exception? Like, returns because something is defective are a totally different beast from “I don’t want it.”

Says I who never got around to complaining about the underwear that fell apart first time I put it on. Not about the money, though, more about “if I buy clothes I should be able to expect some minimum level of quality.” So yeah. Less “return” and more “hey you sold me a defective product.”

 

[ben909]

I feel this is the title of a thread

Edit: sorry bad joke. Mine had dementia.

she has 400 500 blood sugar for weeks and woN't do anything about it

 

[Frank Gulotta]

Giving a general rating to and using three tiny little bars to censor someone's youknowwhats in art, when 80% of said youknowwhats are clearly still visable is rather annoying... considering FA has minors who use their website.

Which I'm not sure why minors are even allowed, I've brought this up ages ago but I'll just embrace being a broken record since I don't think they'll ever fix it : even if you toggle to SFW when you want to upload something, all the fetish categories are present. Let's say you're 13 and wish to upload some digimon fanart, the category is right between bondage and fat furs
Prefer pokemon? not an issue, you'll find it between paw and pregnancy

 

[a sleepy kitty]

My wallet was most likely stolen, along with $45 and my debit card. I cancelled the card, but I needed part of that $45 for my vitamins that my doctor prescribed to me.

 

[Smityyyy]

Some artists run their “businesses” badly and very unprofessionally.

Yeah, I said it. I feel like this is a controversial take… but some artists are incredibly unprofessional in the handling of their commissions. It’s absolutely ok to take your time in commissions. It’s ok to set clear and defined boundaries. It’s ok (and necessary) for real life to come first and foremost. However, the bare minimum is clear communication and integrity. I see several artists get away with treating customers rather poorly and having every excuse under the sun for their bad practices.

It’s unacceptable to me to accept a commission and then make zero progress for months all while advertising more YCHs and taking on more and more commissions. You should focus on maintaining a reasonable queue or be upfront on the timeframe. The number of artists I’ve seen that’ll take a commission, go radio silent, continue posting more YCHs, and then have a convenient excuse every time the customer reaches out is… wild.

There’s no reason a simple art piece (a YCH at that…) purchased nearly a year ago should still be in the line-art phase. There’s no reason when I ask for a progress update that I receive an art piece with one small edit done off the original. And there’s no reason you should be accepting more and more YCH commissions if you can’t even provide for your current customers. If you’re too sick/busy/hurt to finish your original queue… then you should also be too sick/busy/hurt to continue accepting more money from customers and pumping out more YCHs.

Rant done. Sorry, I just genuinely feel some artists are really scummy when they accept gigantic lists of commissions and then take years to get them done all while taking more and more money from people in the meantime and making excuses for it all.