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Villanelle Fight

In here, we battle using villanelles.
The concept was successful with haiku,
But will you win with this new style as well?

With rhyming structure too complex to tell,
Young writers must stay disciplined and true.
In here, we battle using villanelles.

Before this format many poets fell,
Yet many have achieved their apex, too.
But will you win with this new style as well?

If limericks are more your thing, well, hell,
Perhaps you have good reason to be blue.
In here, we battle using villanelles.

Misgivings, doubts, all you might just dispel.
You could find inspiration bright and new.
But will you win with this new style as well?

Within this FA message board cartel
We fight for honor. Victors have been few.
In here, we battle using villanelles.
But will you win with this new style as well?
 
So, basically an ABA ABA rhyme?
That doesn't sound too complex.
Nothing nobody could figure out in due time

However, I fear my brain is not fine
It seems I have no more thought reflex
I don't know why I'm so tired

It's not going to take long to shift into this paradigm
With no syllable count, my mind can fully flex
To shove all other competitors into the grime.

The only thing is, with so many lines
It'll be hard to get more people into the mix
Maybe we could allow slant rhymes?

But overall, I think people should try
Even though there are a lot of stanzas (six!)
Where in Haikus, there were only as many as desired.

Good luck everyone with your posts; this concludes mine
I'm off to the cafe (I think they're serving tex-mex).
Good luck to everyone on your rhymes
And don't stay up past your bedtimes. :p
 

Aikon

Member
edit: I failed
 

Aikon

Member
Oh, duh, told ya I'm dumb as bricks. I'll do a rewrite tomorrow. Thanks.
 
WelcomeTheCollapse said:
Ah, but everything is supposed to rhyme. ABA ABA ABA ABA ABA ABAA. So every A line rhymes with every other A line, and every B line rhymes with every other B line. Hence the challenge.

Hats off to you for trying, good sir.

Wikipedia said:
The essence of the form is its distinctive pattern of rhyme and repetition, with only two rhyme-sounds ("a" and "b") and two alternating refrains that resolve into a concluding couplet. The following is the schematic representation of a villanelle in its fixed modern form; Parenthetic letters indicate which sets of lines rhyme.

Refrain 1 (a)
Verse 1 (b)
Refrain 2 (a)

Verse 2 (a)
Verse 3 (b)
Refrain 1 (a)

Verse 4 (a)
Verse 5 (b)
Refrain 2 (a)

Verse 6 (a)
Verse 7 (b)
Refrain 1 (a)

Verse 8 (a)
Verse 9 (b)
Refrain 2 (a)

Verse 10 (a)
Verse 11 (b)
Refrain 1 (a)
Refrain 2 (a)

So you have to re-use the same two lines throughout the whole poem. Nice try, though...

If this gets successful, we might even try fighting in other forms of verse, like triolets or sestinas.
 

joecifur

New Member
Hahahahaha yeah I can't.

You are a special breed of English nerd if you can kick out a villanelle for a furry messageboard. You even kept it uniform! I couldn't get one out of my ENGL3000 kids with two weeks to work on it. This makes my heart happy.

(thread delivered)
 

Aikon

Member
It took me two tries but I got it nailed
You saw my post and thought I was out but
If you think I'm out it's you that phails

See all I'm good for is getting the mail,
washing the dishes, and walking the dog....
It took me two tries but I got it nailed!

I'm not that bad, your words are frail
Aikon's in the house bitches
If you think I'm out it's you that phails

At first I was reluctant, but now I've sailed
You can't keep a good squirrel down
It took me two tries but I got it nailed

I'm almost done but before I bail
"Bring it on Aikon likes a challenge", but remember
If you think I'm out it's you that phails

You can try your rhyme but I'm bad ass
I'll make another, as they say third time's a charm
It took me two tries but I got it nailed
If you think I'm out it's you that phails


Ha! I think I got it! That was fun, LET'S DOOO IIIIIIIIT.

:twisted:
 

Aikon

Member
WelcomeTheCollapse said:
Ah, and here I thought you were just being lazy :p

So did I, I admit it! There is method to his madness afterall. It's kinda more fun doing it his way anyway, it made me think... what a weird and exotic feeling.
 
Aikon, that is probably one of the most ghetto-fresh villanelles I've seen in a long while. (It even rivals Dylan Thomas's little-known gem "Smack Up Dat Bitch".) I commend you.

Anyone else want a go? Anyone?
 

Aikon

Member
LOL thnks man, it was a lot fun doing it, thanks for bringing this thread up. I liked yours and Welcome's too BTW :)

Yeah come on people, even Zoidberg could do this.
 

Faukx

Member
WHOA, im good at words and writing. But am bad at poems and rymes. so i won't have a go at this :p. Ill let the masters have fun with it. but so far so good, i get how it works but i can't just think of something.
Hope to read more interesting Villanelles
 

Sylvine

Member
I allowed myself some ... freedoms,minor changes within the refrain. *cough* here goes!

The colours fade, engulfed in blood and rust!
The shining sun has fled its throne so high,
And all creation swiftly turns to dust.

Without a God – in whom shall now we trust?
Abandoned, we were left to fall and die
When colours fade, engulfed in blood and rust!

We turn our eyes away in sheer disgust
As flesh dissolves, and homeless children cry,
And all creation swiftly turns to dust.

From deepest hells, Gluttony, Envy, Lust,
Pride, Wrath, Sloth, Greed ascend towards the sky
As colours fade, engulfed in blood and rust!

And on the horizon, with a dark gust
On dire steeds, The Horsemen start their ride
And all creation swiftly turns to dust.

And ‘though we know, to wither’s what we must,
We hope, we fight, we flee the Reaper’s Eye…
But colours fade, engulfed in blood and rust,
And all creation swiftly turns to dust!


Could be better, but was a load of fun... maybe I'll try again some time.
By the way, same syllable count everywhere, I think...yay ^_^

~Sylv
 

Faukx

Member
wow sylv,

That was verry nice. verry nice indeed. I must say that it was realy my stile :)
 

Sylvine

Member
aww, thanks =)

~Sylv
 
Sylv wins the award for "Most Likely To Be Featured In A High School English Textbook As Actual 'Poetry' Poetry". Great work.
 

Aikon

Member
Sylvine said:
The colours fade, engulfed in blood and rust!
The shining sun has fled its throne so high,
And all creation swiftly turns to dust.

Without a God – in whom shall now we trust?
Abandoned, we were left to fall and die
When colours fade, engulfed in blood and rust!

We turn our eyes away in sheer disgust
As flesh dissolves, and homeless children cry,
And all creation swiftly turns to dust.

From deepest hells, Gluttony, Envy, Lust,
Pride, Wrath, Sloth, Greed ascend towards the sky
As colours fade, engulfed in blood and rust!

And on the horizon, with a dark gust
On dire steeds, The Horsemen start their ride
And all creation swiftly turns to dust.

And ‘though we know, to wither’s what we must,
We hope, we fight, we flee the Reaper’s Eye…
But colours fade, engulfed in blood and rust,
And all creation swiftly turns to dust!


~Sylv

Hey that's actually pretty good. Shizzle my bizzle!
 

Sylvine

Member
The Ancient Mariner said:
Sylv wins the award for "Most Likely To Be Featured In A High School English Textbook As Actual 'Poetry' Poetry". Great work.

Probably not; it's too apocalyptic. And I'm sure better submissions will follow, anyway. But thanks =)

Aikon said:
Hey that's actually pretty good. Shizzle my bizzle!

To tell the truth - and all modesty set aside for a moment - I'm surprised how well it turned out, myself... especially considering the fact that this was my first attempt at "serious" poetry, AND the fact that, usually, I'm not a big fan of poems in general. I just thought the structure was neat and something fun to work with, and, well, that was the result =)

Hmm... I might submit it to my FA gallery. As the first and probably last poem of mine.

And beside that: C'mon, people, try it - it's really great fun, I tell ya!

~Sylv
 
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