What do one's words, spoken or written, really mean to the receiver?

[reptile logic]

I recently wrote some comments down on another thread and the experience got me thinking. What do one's words really mean to another? Why do some people's words, verbal or written, seem very direct and others' words require more careful listening or viewing and more thoughtful interpretation? Here's the message that got me thinking:​

As written:- World is as I want it to be... precisely, so I'm just going to disregard that 'suggestion'. (Scots regiments also didn't go into battle in WWII wearing Kilts, so that should have been an indicator as to the 'realism' I was going for)
[Read as: This is my world. Input not welcome. Here is another inconsistency for you to ponder. Surprised you didn't put two and two together and come up on this on your own.]

As written:- Narrative, yes, a little jumbled
[Read as: Narrative, yes, a little jumbled.]

As written- Recommended rewrite? No thanks, yours is chock full of unnecessary commas.
[Read as: I'm not going to use your recommendation. It's flawed. Edit: The phrase in mind is flawed. (Side note, most writers I know don't expect anyone to use a suggestion. Just providing another point of view to draw from)]

As written: I appreciate the suggestions, but doesn't seem like many of them are of any use to me.
[Read as: I'm being polite, here. Go away.]

(My question, left unanswered.)
[Read as: I don't have an answer or, basing it on the earlier, perceived tone, I'm not going to answer.]

The overall message that I took in: I didn't ask for a critique or any other help. Input not welcome.

Assuming that I read this properly, I apologize to the OP for the intrusion. On a positive note, the chances of me slipping up and intruding on another in this way have been greatly reduced.

Do others here find yourself going through this form of mental exercise on occasion?

 

[ConorHyena]

This is communication error that happens constantly. People say things but mean something else but don't want to be impolite.

Or sometimes people want to appear a certain way by posting certain things in certain ways but actually want the total opposite. This can be for say, peer pressure reasons, or because they expect a certain response because it has been given that way before, etc.

language is ambivalent and can express different things at the same time, and this can be a problem

I do know it from work though

 

[reptile logic]

Back from baking prep. Been making candy and baking cookies for days now. Tonight, the boss wants to finish the fruitcakes. The fruit has soaked for three days and the smell is downright intoxicating.

Howdy, Fawlkes. If I had thought I only read, "I appreciate your input but do not find it useful to me. We wouldn't be here, right now. You took the time to drive in the point that I should not invade your space with unasked for comments. It wasn't necessary to make a point by point rejection.

Had I not written a word, you would not have come down on me. I should not have dropped the comment on that thread and set this all in motion. My fault; what I did on your thread was a mistake.

Again, I apologize that I came across to you so strongly that you decided to respond the way you did. I truly regret the comment in its entirety. If, in your comments, you meant to say something other than what I read into it, please feel free to clarify. When I first decided to leave a comment, I was curious to see where this story went. I though I might like to read it. My first impression has been soured a little. My guess is that your impression of my work has too. All over a misunderstanding.

You may have discovered that I don't make a habit of arguing/fighting with people, here. I have noticed that you do. Heck, you even advertise that you enjoy wrestling and fighting. You appear to be a very competitive person. Fine with me. You win. I will make it a point to tread very carefully around your threads and comments.

By your measure of the term, I apparently have no decency. I'm also likely shameless, by your measure. My point stands; the thread stays. Any other similar exchange here, on this or another site, might have brought about these same thoughts in me. I chose these words as example on the subject of misreads and misunderstandings. Particularly, my misreads and misunderstandings. Yes, they are your words, publicly posted on this site. I see no further issue with this subject.

Should any other like to reply in the title subject, please do.

 

[Connor J. Coyote]

I recently wrote some comments down on another thread and the experience got me thinking. What do one's words really mean to another? Why do some people's words, verbal or written, seem very direct and others' words require more careful listening or viewing and more thoughtful interpretation?​

@reptile logic (Well, focusing on the general topic that you raise) - I'd say to you - that language, both written and verbal - has always been kind of subject to interpretation, (not only online - but, also in the real World, of course).... and so, I'd say.... that it's kind of in the "eye of the beholder" (how messages are convenyed and often times understood).... as - different words can often times mean different things, to different people.

And so, because of that occasional ambiguity - it's always wise (I think) to articulate oneself not only well - but also *clearly* - so that mis-understandings and mis-interpretations don't occur (with your listeners).

 

[Deleted member 111470]

This is too broad a subject. It depends on who you're communicating with, how, when, for how long, how good do you know each other, etc.

I also often see that people who claim to be "im just dead honest bruh" are using it as an excuse to say demeaning and horrible things.

And just as often, people are quick to brand one another as a horrible human being if they said something they didn't mean, or genuinely didn't know what it meant. Especially nowadays when he internet is accessed by so many people from so many countries and cultures.

I think it is vital to keep in mind that we all make mistakes. And that's fine.

 

[TyraWadman]

Most interactions I find mentally taxing, I immediately drop. From what I gather, not a lot of people online know how to be assertive. It's either passive, aggressive, or the terrible combination of the two. Factor in the likeliness that their vocabulary and actual understanding of the English language is probably 'basic' at most, and you've got a hot mess of users taking hypotheticals (that were never directed at them) as personal attacks.

If someone asks for opinions and critique, but can't handle it, that's their problem and you basically just have to shrug it off and accept that there are a lot of people that cannot handle critique.

My next idea is that people like to create voices and personalities of the voices they read. Dragon icon? Thought out replies that escalate beyond 'lols' and typically furry games? Must be pretentious and a know-it-all, because that's how I associate all dragons in my head. U_U

 

[Simo]

Most interactions I find mentally taxing, I immediately drop. From what I gather, not a lot of people online know how to be assertive. It's either passive, aggressive, or the terrible combination of the two. Factor in the likeliness that their vocabulary and actual understanding of the English language is probably 'basic' at most, and you've got a hot mess of users taking hypotheticals (that were never directed at them) as personal attacks.

If someone asks for opinions and critique, but can't handle it, that's their problem and you basically just have to shrug it off and accept that there are a lot of people that cannot handle critique.

My next idea is that people like to create voices and personalities of the voices they read. Dragon icon? Thought out replies that escalate beyond 'lols' and typically furry games? Must be pretentious and a know-it-all, because that's how I associate all dragons in my head. U_U

Yep...that's dragons!

But that's an interesting point, in relation to furries: just seeing what their fursona is, and what avatar they are using has a curious impact on what somebody says, even if subtly.

 

[Guifrog]

My next idea is that people like to create voices and personalities of the voices they read. Dragon icon? Thought out replies that escalate beyond 'lols' and typically furry games? Must be pretentious and a know-it-all, because that's how I associate all dragons in my head. U_U

Yep...that's dragons!

But that's an interesting point, in relation to furries: just seeing what their fursona is, and what avatar they are using has a curious impact on what somebody says, even if subtly.

I did hear about furry stereotypes based on species, but extending it to avatars and interpretations of one's interactions sounds new to me personally. I wonder how others would take posts from such a girly blue frog, with a peg on the nose, uttering Japanese nonsense! "Weeaboo freak", or something along those lines, mayhaps?

Or, "weeaboo h8r", if one connects the avatar and my first paragraph in this post like some sort of irony? I guess I can see how both could happen.

This is all very intriguing, and I do feel like my personality changes somehow with a mere picture switching

 

[Jackpot Raccuki]

Yep...that's dragons!

But that's an interesting point, in relation to furries: just seeing what their fursona is, and what avatar they are using has a curious impact on what somebody says, even if subtly.

isn’t that how stereotypes form?
If I meet one or two dragons who are selfish, I’m gonna naturally expect the third to also be like it.
If I see a dog sona being nice, friendly and an extrovert I’m gonna assume others have similar personality, and in some cases that has happened, yes there will always be those who don’t follow such stereotypes.
Maybe you meet a dog fursona who is mean.

Which of course impacts how you may interpret what they say and how so.

It does make me wonder, do people actually pick their sona based on their own personality and if so, do a certain species attract a certain personality group? Would be interesting to discover.

 

[reptile logic]

Most interactions I find mentally taxing, I immediately drop. From what I gather, not a lot of people online know how to be assertive. It's either passive, aggressive, or the terrible combination of the two. Factor in the likeliness that their vocabulary and actual understanding of the English language is probably 'basic' at most, and you've got a hot mess of users taking hypotheticals (that were never directed at them) as personal attacks.

If someone asks for opinions and critique, but can't handle it, that's their problem and you basically just have to shrug it off and accept that there are a lot of people that cannot handle critique.

My next idea is that people like to create voices and personalities of the voices they read. Dragon icon? Thought out replies that escalate beyond 'lols' and typically furry games? Must be pretentious and a know-it-all, because that's how I associate all dragons in my head. U_U

For clarification; in this case, the OP did not ask for a critique. I mistakenly gave one. In my view, my input must have come across as harsh and unwelcome. At least that's what I pulled from the response to it.

 

[MaelstromEyre]

In response to the original question, I think you have to be careful in written communication, whether it's through email, or text, or on forums or chats or wherever. Words often seem harsher when written. People who don't know you personally, and know your personality, may misinterpret your words because they can't hear your tone of voice.

I have kind of a dry sense of humor, and I'm well aware that not everyone "gets" it even when I'm speaking. If I get the feeling that someone may not get "me," I will be a lot more reserved around them.