What exactly constitutes a non-sexual fetish?

[AniwayasSong]

I can fully understand how a fetish or kink might have non-sexual aspects, absolutely! Fetishes can elicit feelings of empowerment, control, self-esteem, nostalgia, comfort, safety, excitement, self-realization, and more, and can help people to delve into their own psyches, explore their fantasies safely, assume or experiment with different personas or personalities, and even, process and heal from trauma and pain.

What I don't personally get is how a fetish or kink can be entirely non-sexual, and I admittedly raise an eyebrow in confusion and skepticism when folks insist that their kinks are entirely non-sexual. I cannot personally wrap my head around how asexual people can have fetishes, and what those fetishes mean to them personally. If anyone has insight into this, please share!

I reckon that when two people technically share the same kink or fetish, but have different libidos or sexual desires/motivations related to that kink or fetish, it can be almost as awkward or as frustrating as if they had different kinks altogether!

I'm hardly 'Asexual,' but after reading your post though I'd chime back in a bit.
Most of us know the reaction of smelling (or hearing) something, that instantly takes us back to our past, and something(s) that happened. Hopefully such flashbacks are 'Good,' but I (and many I know/live around), have some VERY bad 'Triggers' and it can be merry Hell living with them (Two of my neighbors, fellow Veterans, one from WWII, cannot be anywhere around the scent of cooking meat (as-in our frequent BBQ's/similar. They catch a whiff of that, and the older Vet will instantly about-face and retreat to another area and won't come back till he's gotten himself back under control. The younger Vet (Gulf War), literally vomits and will hit the deck, arms crossed and legs tucked as he's forced to relive some very bad things that he witnessed/survived. It is hardly a 'Fun' or amusing thing, and we never, ever, judge or berate them for this.)
These are extreme examples, and perhaps not 'Fetish' related, but I mention them because 'I' have some things that will send my mind/feelings (and others, 'Body' too!), into a totally different state, and I have to be careful in certain settings because others would see this reaction and likely think unkind/mistaken thoughts about what's going on. I use the comparison of watching a feline and catnip, because that's as close as I can get to my reaction(s) to certain things.
It can be, hell, it IS silly in many ways, but heck, it isn't harming anyone so I call it just some of my personal 'Quirks'

;-)

 

[AniwayasSong]

I am tempted to share some videos I like but I'd probably get banned, lol.

I like big tough blackheads.

I've recently started to see these animations which are less disgusting (probably) but do scratch the itch a bit.

I'm weird.

NOPE! NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE!!!
I know LOTS of (why is it is almost ALWAYS women?!) who have this fascination, but 'I' am not one of them!
I can hardly stand treating abscesses/similar in animals, and certainly wouldn't with another person!
YIKES!
:-/
(Not judging you/anyone Hon.! This is just one extreme example of stuffs 'I' can't even watch! lol )

 

[quoting_mungo]

@Woozle - could you please spoiler those videos? I don't think they're necessarily against TOS to post, but they're likely to gross out a lot of people - myself included. Not gonna kinkshame, you're into what you're into and as long you're not harming others that's your business, but I'd prefer not seeing it myself.

 

[Deleted member 160111]

use the comparison of watching a feline and catnip, because that's as close as I can get to my reaction(s) to certain things.

Your words made me remember the influence of smells on me. Sometimes it smells so wonderful outside that I can't get enough of it, I feel great pleasure from this smell on a damp summer evening, early autumn morning and the like. I'm just going crazy.

 

[Woozle]

@Woozle - could you please spoiler those videos? I don't think they're necessarily against TOS to post, but they're likely to gross out a lot of people - myself included. Not gonna kinkshame, you're into what you're into and as long you're not harming others that's your business, but I'd prefer not seeing it myself.

Done!

 

[quoting_mungo]

Done!

Thank you! Much appreciated! <3

 

[Baron Tredegar]

Sex-repulsed asexual people with kinks or fetishes are absolutely interesting and relevant in that context.

I think I fall into this category.

 

[Kellan Meig'h]

As pointed out by my wife, I have a writing instrument fetish. Well, I like to draw/doodle/scribble/watercolor/etc so I have a large collection of various writing instruments, brushes, pencils, pastels, watercolors, acrylics, yadda-yadda. One of my favorite fountain pens is a Daiso $2 pen, all metal body, stainless steel nib. Darn if these things write so stupidly well for a measly $2 or so. And, they last forever. But, it's not a sexual thing. Yeah.

However, walk into my music/art room and ask for a pen or pencil. That's what I keep those budget brand so called writing utensils on hand for. Not getting a Pilot or Zebra peremium pen nor a Mirado Black pencil.

 

[Troj]

Memory triggers and sensory experiences that spark nostalgia, I definitely get! I understand reveling in sights, sounds, and smells that take you back to certain places and times.

Aesthetic preferences and tastes, of course, I get. That's what Pinterest is for!

Sensory delights and catharses (like Woozle's pimple-poppin'), I get---listening to ASMR, squishing clay, popping bubble wrap, arranging objects in order of size or colour, touching velvet or satin, wearing clothes that fit just right, savoring delicious food.

Special interests or personal obsessions, I get---hobbies, artistic pursuits, skills, topics, areas of study, life goals, nagging questions.

The interesting question is, where do we draw the lines between these various things, and what we'd call kinks or fetishes? (For that matter, do y'all define kinks and fetishes differently, or do you use them more-or-less interchangeably?)

 

[Filter]

Nothing. There is nothing that is a fetish that doesn't turn someone on. Otherwise it's just an "interest". The moment you get excited it becomes a "fetish" by definition.

So you can have a non-sexual fetish but all that means is that it is an interest that is not normally associated with obvious sexual interest. Like balloon popping or pulling on pigtails or watching someone get smashed in the face with a cream pie or even borderline-understandable ones like foot fetishes or wearing furry outfits. But still, I promise you hand on heart...there are groups of people who DO get sexually excited with balloon popping ("looners") and pigtail pulling ("trichophilia") and cream pie smashing ("Charlie Chaplin") and feet ("Quentin Tarantino") and wearing furry outfits ("Mambi"). <grins impishly>

So fetishes that are non-sexual really just mean "fetishes that usually are non-sexual to most". Help any?

Good point. I would agree that "interests" is a more accurate description in most cases. Including the apparent fetish that some have for calling others' interests fetishes.

I could quite easily see someone having a kink or fetish (I personally feel that “fetish” gets overused; in a sexual context I would reserve that primarily for things that are necessary or near necessary for arousal)...

That seems to be the technical definition.

... that that can be sexual but which also brings non-sexual satisfaction. Like… there’s plenty of people into BDSM who get feel-good chemicals pumping from, like… being told to bring their dom breakfast in bed, doing it, and getting praise/approval. That doesn’t mean any part of that particular exchange is necessarily sexual to them, it just pushes some buttons that are very satisfying for them to have pushed.

I’m sure similar examples can be found in other groups as well. Not precluding the existence of completely non-sexual fetishism entirely (could sex-repulsed aces have kinks? Don’t see why not!), but I would imagine “both” is more common. The whole thing gets a bit muddled with the very broad definition of “fetish” that tends to get kicked around a lot in online spaces like this.

I'd imagine that most so-called "fetishes" have a non-sexual element, as you're saying here. Somebody who is into BDSM might otherwise be fascinated with power dynamics. Maybe it isn't fundamentally a sexual thing for them, but something they enjoy that might also follow them into the bedroom. This is how I interpret furry fetishes, other science fiction/fantasy-themed fetishes, uniform fetishes and the like. I'm using the term loosely here, as they aren't necessarily fetishes in the clinical sense. People have outside interests, and some of the same themes can be incorporated into their romantic lives. A fun thing to spice up their love lives or share a playful imaginative side of themselves. I think a lot depends on the context, as these interests aren't inherently sexual.

 

[AniwayasSong]

Memory triggers and sensory experiences that spark nostalgia, I definitely get! I understand reveling in sights, sounds, and smells that take you back to certain places and times.

Aesthetic preferences and tastes, of course, I get. That's what Pinterest is for!

Sensory delights and catharses (like Woozle's pimple-poppin'), I get---listening to ASMR, squishing clay, popping bubble wrap, arranging objects in order of size or colour, touching velvet or satin, wearing clothes that fit just right, savoring delicious food.

Special interests or personal obsessions, I get---hobbies, artistic pursuits, skills, topics, areas of study, life goals, nagging questions.

The interesting question is, where do we draw the lines between these various things, and what we'd call kinks or fetishes? (For that matter, do y'all define kinks and fetishes differently, or do you use them more-or-less interchangeably?)

I call mine a 'Fetish' because I actively seek them out and enjoy them just for the mass-emo-effect(s) they put me into.
;-)
(of course, don't get me wrong, some things are just too damned fun to deny/ignore (popping bubble-wrapping? Heck Yeah!)
:-D

 

[Kain]

The definition I am finding for such a concept is, to me, synonymous with either an obsession or being a fan of something.

 

[T0ast3r]

Been reading through this thread, and thought I might add something, being in the SFW tickle community myself.

From what I've learned, a fetish is something required to achieve an orgasm, but with a kink, it's far more flexible.

Kinks need to only cause some form of excitement, whether it be sexual or not. For example, I have a non-sexual tickle kink. I don't view it in a sexual way, heck, I try to avoid that stuff, but I still love being tickled (or at least, the idea of it-). It's fun for me. I like it, but I'm not turned on by it, make sense? I could be a little wrong, but basically, fetishes are typically purely sexual, but kinks don't have to be.

 

[Fallowfox]

What if OP's fetish is semantics?

 

[Foxridley]

What if OP's fetish is semantics?

Could be along the lines of this guy:

Jurisprudence Fetishist Gets Off On Technicality

The Onion brings you all of the latest news, stories, photos, videos and more from America's finest news source.

www.theonion.com

 

[AniwayasSong]

As pointed out by my wife, I have a writing instrument fetish. Well, I like to draw/doodle/scribble/watercolor/etc so I have a large collection of various writing instruments, brushes, pencils, pastels, watercolors, acrylics, yadda-yadda. One of my favorite fountain pens is a Daiso $2 pen, all metal body, stainless steel nib. Darn if these things write so stupidly well for a measly $2 or so. And, they last forever. But, it's not a sexual thing. Yeah.

However, walk into my music/art room and ask for a pen or pencil. That's what I keep those budget brand so called writing utensils on hand for. Not getting a Pilot or Zebra peremium pen nor a Mirado Black pencil.

I gather turkey/other fowl primaries, and whittle them down into quills.
That, and a handy bottle of India Ink and parchment/vellum?

(I could easily be a Medieval Monk, scribbing tomes!)

;-)

 

[Paws the Opinicus]

I may be plush, but the idea of sexualizing it kinda squicks me to the core. I enjoy it for the "being more of a cuddly gentle giant protector/companion" thing... it does not extend to sexuality.

 

[Amepix]

Despite being asexual, it seems the only thing that gets me exited is being cuddled, specifically cuddled by someone chonky. Like they're a big ol pillow. It gives me a feeling of comfort, and also gets me exited somehow. Also, just somebody chubby in general.

 

[DesecratedFlame]

fet·ish​

(fĕt′ĭsh)
n.
1. An object that is believed to have magical or spiritual powers, especially such an object associated with animistic or shamanistic religious practices.
2. An object of unreasonably excessive attention or reverence: made a fetish of punctuality.
3. Something, such as a material object or nonsexual part of the body, that arouses sexual desire and may become necessary for sexual gratification.
4. An abnormally obsessive preoccupation or attachment; a fixation.
------

Definition #4 or #2

 

[romystic]

I think one of the easiest example is my main fetish: macro.

It isn't sexual, it's just about size, yet it's something that will turn me on.
Like, a giant character can be just sitting there, being big and doing literally nothing else and the fact he's big is a huge turn on.

 

[ConorHyena]

Have a non-sexual fetish


The actual question we should be asking is 'Can fetishes be SFW'

 

[quoting_mungo]

It isn't sexual, it's just about size, yet it's something that will turn me on.
Like, a giant character can be just sitting there, being big and doing literally nothing else and the fact he's big is a huge turn on.

That’s as sexual as any fetish - you’re deriving sexual excitement from something that’s not normally overtly sexual.

I’m on board with the notion that fetishes/kinks can include non-sexual elements to varying extents, but “it turns me on” is not non-sexual.

What you are exemplifying is that non-sexual material can satisfy a kink or fetish. That in itself is a good lesson for us all to learn and take to heart.

 

[Deleted member 160111]

'Can fetishes be SFW'

From myself I will say that yes, it is possible.
Okay, the important point is that my "obsession" doesn't have to be called a fetish. but. If I call it a fetish - for a wide range of people, it will immediately become clear that this is something special and personal. Instead of a thousand words, one definition.
I mentioned it in another topic, but well, let it be here.

I am an aroace (asexual aromantic) and I have a fetish for touching.
It is important to note that I am a schizoid, and some senses do not work the way most people do. I mean, I can't stand noise, and some sounds made by living beings cause me strong disgust and aggression (it's physically painful for me to hear this). Mine and my eyes are very sensitive to irritants (perhaps it's the consequences of chronic lack of sleep that lasted for many years, but I remember that when I was a child, I experienced discomfort on clear summer days) now I experience burning pain if I go out without glasses, and I wear sunglasses even in winter. Now the main thing is tactile sensitivity. I hate touch, at best I don't feel anything, at worst, I feel like there is a mark on me that I have to erase by washing this place with water or rubbing against some object. I forbid touching my back at all, the muscles on my back begin to contract when someone is standing behind.

So. All this means that I can't get pleasant emotions from such banal things as a pat on the head or a hug. But I know how important it is for people, and how they need it. I know that they experience a lot of positive emotions from touching.
I like to read stories, look at pictures where the characters are just hugging, or something like that. I like to try to understand how they feel, I feel awe. I can't feel it myself, but I can imagine. Sometimes it's very important to me. Sometimes I have to dive into these fantasies with my head in order to survive. I like to read fanfiction, where the characters take a long time to simply "take hand", even longer to hug. Nothing vulgar, nothing depraved - just such simple platonic things.
Is it a fetish? I think so.

 

[Vanessa Howl]

Have a non-sexual fetish


The actual question we should be asking is 'Can fetishes be SFW'

"Have a non-sexual fetish" Bitch, that thing looks HELLA sexual.XD

But yes, though fetishes by definition are sexual in nature there are at least some that are SFW regardless: take my bondage fetish for example. Bondage is just the act of tying someone up and that is something you'll see in anything from a Disney movie to a porn site so while my interest in it is VERY sexual, it can be triggered even if the context is strictly non-sexual such as seeing a fully clothed Rapunzel bound and gagged in the tower by Mother Gothel to keep her there and unable to call for help.

So yes, a fetish can be SFW if the context of it is.

 

[Troj]

Despite being asexual, it seems the only thing that gets me exited is being cuddled, specifically cuddled by someone chonky. Like they're a big ol pillow. It gives me a feeling of comfort, and also gets me exited somehow. Also, just somebody chubby in general.

Feel free to plead the fifth/decline to answer if this is too personal, but this sounds exactly like what I find intriguing. What do you mean by "excited," and how does asexuality coexist with that excitement for you?