It's always a pleasure reading about others' experiences. Thank you OP and others for sharing your stories and quirks.
I'll share the bits that make up the relevancy of myself. I'm currently the third oldest son in a broken family - I have two older brothers, two older stepsisters, two younger sisters, one younger brother, two younger stepbrothers, and one half-brother. I was (and like to think I still am) the smartest in my family, though I have had too many bumps and my potential has dropped to almost nothing due to many family problems and stressful situations. I had scored in the top 5% in state testing in 7th grade, and I had a paid scholarship and trip to an academy in New York waiting for me, as long as my parents gave the okay. They did not give the okay, and it was not a straight answer. My mother pretended to lose the papers because she couldn't say no to me (I figured this out years later when I used the wasted scholarship against her), and she couldn't stand the thought of me being so many states away. Going to New York was never an option for me and her.
My dad was never there, and up until my parents divorced on the same year I got the scholarship, he whored himself around with other women that I couldn't call Mom. But on top of it all, he kept paying the bills and feeding our mouths like we were only an obligation. Not family, but an obligation. I hated him for this (he was having an affair on the day of my birth, leaving my mother alone at the hospital). The drama was at its peak when my parents sat me and my siblings around the living room and asked us which one of the two we loved more. Whoever we "loved" more, we'd be moving in with.
My younger siblings and I chose mom, while my oldest brothers went with my dad, but I regretted that soon after because she would take her anger out on me and my sisters. I went through a state of depression that year, and I became suicidal. I was supposed to see a psychiatrist but I ran away from home the day of the appointment. My depression stopped when I found out my two oldest brothers had also tried to take their own lives; the oldest had gone out to the woods and slashed his wrists, and the other tried to kill himself via alcohol poisoning. This shot holes into our morale, more holes than we already had. I realized that I had to be the stronger one, and I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't be a burden to my mother and my siblings, that I would only help, not mope. I started working at age 15 to help my parents out with bills, causing my academics to plummet, and that went on for a few years until recently, when I realized my parents were using me as a crutch and taking my help for granted.
I was kicked out of both of my parents' homes only to be begged to come back. While their actions hurt me, I couldn't say no to them because of the promise I had made to myself. I'm currently staying with my father and helping him out, although I do resent him for his past actions. He has never said he was sorry for the pain he caused.
Yet, I choose to put up with him because I am driven by the obligation to love my family.
Enough with the mopy stuff.
- I have a very shitty memory since I'll forget things three seconds after I'm told.
- I'm easily tempted by gummy worms. I'll do almost anything for a pack.
- I go out of my way to make everything I eat spicy.
- Chewing on my tongue is something I do subconsciously, and I won't notice I'm doing it until I start tasting blood.
- My eyes twitch when I'm angry or annoyed.
- I broke my right arm when I was 3 years old thanks to my brother pushing me off a jungle gym. I have a cool scar to show for it.
- Once, I put an electrical cigarette lighter on my tongue while it was scorching hot... I was curious, okay. I know my pain threshold well because of instances like these.
- I was a student of the month for every year I was in elementary school. They spelled my name correctly only once on the certificate.
- *strokes ego*
I can relate in more than one way. I also have a shattered home and spent many nights living in missions before I began my nation wide travels. Its hard to be strong for others, being a oldest sibling I can understand. Sometimes you just have to sacrifice for them. Family can be such a fragile thing. Props to you and want to say your not alone. *hugs*