PlusThirtyOne
What DOES my username mean...?
Back in 2004 i got a job working retail. in the break room in the back there was a Diet Coke can on top of the fridge shoved way in the back. Something about the can's design looked different and i thought it was some sort of promotional design. it sat back there for the entirety of the six months i spent at that store. Since i was the most recent hire there, i was the first to go when the store started to downsize and i was told i was being let go a week in advance.
On my very last day, just before the end of my shift, i announced to the whole break room full of employees that i was celebrating my departure by chugging the Diet Coke i'd been staring at atop the fridge. One of the (much) older ladies in the room said, "Thirtyone, sweetie, that thing has been up there since i was hired. Are you sure you want to drink that?", to which i replied, "HELLS YEAH i'm gonna chug it!!".
-And so i did.
i held my breath and dumped in a mouthful and swallowed without tasting it. Before i ever pulled the can away for my second gulp, i promptly spat out the second mouthful and barfed all over the floor in front of the fridge. As soon as the taste registered to my brain, i popped. i had never gagged and barfed SO fast and SO much at once. The liquid inside was completely flat and warm. it tasted like someone ELSE'S morning breath. Sooo nasty! Before i was even done spewing my guts out onto the floor, i asked, "When were you hired!?". She said, "Well over 10 years ago, honey!". So i wiped my mouth and flipped over the can.
"Best before April...
On my very last day, just before the end of my shift, i announced to the whole break room full of employees that i was celebrating my departure by chugging the Diet Coke i'd been staring at atop the fridge. One of the (much) older ladies in the room said, "Thirtyone, sweetie, that thing has been up there since i was hired. Are you sure you want to drink that?", to which i replied, "HELLS YEAH i'm gonna chug it!!".
-And so i did.
i held my breath and dumped in a mouthful and swallowed without tasting it. Before i ever pulled the can away for my second gulp, i promptly spat out the second mouthful and barfed all over the floor in front of the fridge. As soon as the taste registered to my brain, i popped. i had never gagged and barfed SO fast and SO much at once. The liquid inside was completely flat and warm. it tasted like someone ELSE'S morning breath. Sooo nasty! Before i was even done spewing my guts out onto the floor, i asked, "When were you hired!?". She said, "Well over 10 years ago, honey!". So i wiped my mouth and flipped over the can.
"Best before April...
...1992."