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What is this sexuality counted as?

Skakuna

Got tea?
Hi all, I have a problem that is concearning me for quite a while.
After I joined our fandom it turned out that there are more types of sexuality than I thought. I knew about hetero, homo, bi and as. I was thinking that I migh be bi, but now there are more options to classify myself even better, I want to kinda figure myself out a bit more.
So. I know I can feel sexual arousement. It comes and goes, but it is there. I watch porn in many combinations, guy with gal, 2 guys, 2 gals, gal with shemale, guy with shemale, femboy with shemale, herma with guy, herma with gal, 2 hermas, either 2 participants or more. And at times one type turns me on than the others. However in real life, I felt actual arousement towards somebody ONCE, and it was my best friend, same gender as mine. It happened only once and I did not proceed with anything with them, as they are in relationship.
And yes, I did have sex earlier, but it was once with a friend of the same gender as mine, but I did not enjoy it in the slightest, no excitement at all. Maybe it was the matter of me being very tired after a long day, maybe it was them not being attractive to me, no idea. I did not like it and don't feel like doing it ever again.
So... can anyone help me out with it? I'm confused a lot, I don't know if it's pan or bi or there is another option I have never heard of earlier... help ;w;
 
I know it can ben nice and comfortable to have a clear identity for yourself, but it'd be much worse to pretend you're something you're not! There's nothing wrong with not knowing what you identify as or what your preferences are yet, over time it'll become much clearer! Maybe you'd enjoy sex with a different person, maybe sex just isn't something for you, which is completely valid! There's nothing wrong with experimenting with another consenting partner, experimentation is a great way to find out these things about yourself! Just as long as you don't do anything you're not comfortable with.
But tl;dr, try not to worry too much, these things will become clearer over time, you'll find the identity that suits you most, and it will all be okay!
 

Fallowfox

Are we moomin, or are we dancer?
I'm not sure we benefit from trying to create specific boxes for ourselves- clearly the user in the OP has felt uncertainty in their identity because they don't feel they are libidinous enough to fit in to labels like 'bisexual', but too libidnous to be considered 'asexual'.

You shouldn't worry about whether you conform to stereotypical expectations of these categorisations. Just like being a gay man doesn't mean somebody is attracted to all other gay men, you shouldn't feel like you're 'not a proper bisexual' for example, because you don't always feel sexual arousal around ostensibly sexy people.
 

quoting_mungo

Well-Known Member
I'm not sure we benefit from trying to create specific boxes for ourselves- clearly the user in the OP has felt uncertainty in their identity because they don't feel they are libidinous enough to fit in to labels like 'bisexual', but too libidnous to be considered 'asexual'.

You shouldn't worry about whether you conform to stereotypical expectations of these categorisations. Just like being a gay man doesn't mean somebody is attracted to all other gay men, you shouldn't feel like you're 'not a proper bisexual' for example, because you don't always feel sexual arousal around ostensibly sexy people.
The flip side of this (while, note, I mostly agree with you) is that sometimes having language for what we're experiencing makes it easier to accept or process. Or settling on something can make things fall into place. My life would likely have proceeded in a very different direction had I learned of asexuality when I was in my early teens (I was kinda a late bloomer, and didn't "get" sex until I started dating my ex at 20 - prior to that my interest in sex was lukewarm at absolute best). I'm not ace, but it was probably the closest descriptor for what I experienced at the time, and having that could potentially have spared me some experiences that in hindsight were probably not very psychologically healthy for me.

And it's okay for you (gen) to change labels as your sexuality develops. The labels are good as shorthand (imagine trying to communicate the finer nuances of how you experience physical and romantic attraction without them), but they'll always come with a bit of slop on the sides. Not everyone in a particular bucket experiences sexuality exactly the same and that's absolutely fine.
 

Troj

Your Friendly Neighborhood Dino Therapist
My view is that labels and terms are ideally meant to help us better understand ourselves and others, so that we can all express our needs, values, motives, and desires more clearly and authentically.

The objective is not to just create a taxonomy just for the sake of creating a taxonomy, IMHO, and it certainly isn't to spread confusion, nor encourage one-upsmanship, snobbery, bullying, or competition.
 
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