When you trust your friend and someone else more than your mate...

[InfinityZCraft]

So, i decided to post this because i need a suggestion of what to do with my situations here since i am suffering a lot... Here is few stories of what is happening to me.

Months ago, my mate broke up with me and left... But i can't deny the fact that i can't leave him and still love him... So i keep regretting my actions in the past and figuring out what is wrong, as i am suffering a lot after what happened and keeping myself locked in the room for months now too...

I figured out that there was "The third person" that is standing between me and my mate, controlling my relationship between me and my mate. I thought that person was best friend beside my mate, but as soon as i realized his behaviour against me and other people, and how he theated me badly by making me regret over and over of what i have done to my mate, like comparing to a broken plate that can't be fixed over and over even though i was telling him to stop... And everything ended up that both my mate and that guy blocked me and left me unforgiven... I know i have hurt them too, but what that guy did to me was totally overdo...

Here is a little story. There was once i ran away from home with less money to escape my abusive mother and military stuffs i am being forced into by the law without any exception, i tried to get to the airport to go to my mate and that guy (They are Italian and living in the same place, while i am from Thailand) That guy told me that i wouldn't need VISA to go there because they would check my passport only when i got there, but no, they checked my passport for the VISA right at before i check in the flight... So i ended up getting insulted a lot of not having VISA (They even called the captain to talk with me) and of course i freaked out and blamed that guy about getting me wrong... But before that guy blocked me away, he insulted me about that moment when i was blaming him about the airport, he even said to me that i should even "Thank" him... I mean, when you got insulted a lot and meltdown, would you be like "Thank you for guiding me, you are the best"?

At first, i wanted that guy to forgive me, but i realized that he is not a good person that i should get near, and he hurts a lot of people as well too, and he ever said stuffs to me like "I can even make you and your mate love me if you dare" because he is a wiccan... But i don't know what to do because this guy is totally controlling and standing between me and my mate. And what is cruel is that no matter how much i tried to be as good as i could to that guy, after all when he got stressed or pissed off by something else, he got only mad at me then blocked me even though when i didn't even do anything to him (He is a person who can get easily mad on just a little matter and can't even control his rage, and also always be harsh to anyone while he is pissed)

Also this guy doesn't even understand that relationship is something that only between two people can deal together and understand, yet he thoguht he was a part of the relationship and saying that because he wanted to protect his friends... But if protecting your friends, you even have to get involved between someone's relationship and try to deal the problems instead themselves, that is totally dumb. I didn't want to judge this guy, but he really did a lot to me than i did to him...

Next is about my mate, he is a very senstive person, and it seems he is trusting that guy and his personal psychiatrist since he left me. I am so afraid that those people will make him lose who he actually is... There was another thing that that guy told me before he blocked me that my mate's psychiatrist told him that he should stay away from me because i am such a stalker and dangerous... But that person doesn't even know who i actually am and how could he judged me like that? And my mate is the person that seems to believe people easily (Especially when they are at the same place like those guys) But since he is now ignoring me and leaving me alone, i don't know what to do, but i still raise him as my mate and i love him than anything...

So, i need suggestion of how could i make my mate believe in me again and stay away from those people, because i could see that those people seem not good for him and he is still trusting them... I am thinking to help him to get away from his abusive parents and take a flight to go to him for real as soon as i have enough money, so i could make him understand me better. But the problem is i need to let him know it before and he probably would get scared of me as long as he is still trusting those people... What should i do?

 

[quoting_mungo]

Didn't you ask about this situation once before? I'm very sorry, but I feel I have to be blunt here: based on what I recall reading of your situation at that time, you really do come off as stalkery towards your former mate. Even now, you're considering going to meet him despite him having cut off contact with you. That is not healthy relationship behavior. I understand that him having broken up with you hurts, but imagine the situation from his side; he's facing someone he broke up with trying to force their way back into his life, and back into a relationship. Doing that really won't make you look more dependable, trustworthy, or better relationship material. If anything, it is liable to scare him.

Sometimes we lose things we hold dear. It sucks, and it hurts, but no matter how hard it is, we need to move on and reach for the future. Trying to hold on to that which you lost is only going to prolong your suffering, as it ends up making you cling not only to your past relationship, but also to the pain of having lost it. And until you accept that your ex broke up with you, you're going to keep hurting. A good first step is to stop referring to him as your mate - if he broke up with you, that's not a title he holds anymore, now is it?

 

[Austin Silver]

I'm not sure what to say. First of all, I am very sorry for what happened. I don't know the full story, but I'll go on what I can. The behavior of the people you called "friends" is not appropriate. I can't claim to be knowledgeable on any topic pertaining to relationships, friends or soul-mates, as I have had neither. Yet that is the very reason I am speaking up. A third person view on how I think things should be. Rarely are things how they should be, that's the first thing you need to accept. Also, you need to accept yourself. It's hard, I know, especially when the overwhelming guilt of the things you've done weighs you down day after day. You've acknowledged your wrong doings already, you repent them. I would have forgiven you by now...but I'm not part of your story.
Your friend is a controlling person. I've lived with people like that. They do what they can to get what they want. It's narcissistic behavior. You can't change other people, you can't change him, perhaps what you had was just not meant to be. I can't tell you what to do, but believe me when I say that there are things you'll be willing to die for, only to find out that it wasn't worth it in the end. My advise to you is to give it some time. If you truly believe that your mate is a good person, then give him/her their space, and let them come to terms on their own. If they truly believe that you belong in their lives, then I'm sure they'll let you know. There is no quick overnight fix, there is nothing more you can do right now. You can't beg, ask, expect, assume, demand...if it is meant to be it will happen.
I guess you can call me a very cynical person when it comes to friendships. Why that is, is another story. I do, however, understand that there are people on our lives who come, bring about change, then quickly leave. We cannot control who stays in our lives, sometimes the people who touch us the most are the quickest to leave. You have a chance still, a chance in life to find someone who will stay and make you feel completed, and content. Maybe you'll be surprised and find that it's someone you've known a long time ago, or maybe it's just someone new.
I just don't know what to say to help. Best of luck.

 

[Pipistrele]

Oh, you're that Thailand drafting stalker dude, I remember ya from another thread .з.