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Why is it so hard to make friends?

I really wish it was easier, GAD and Chronic Depression really put a damper on your ability to make new friends in the real world.... 4 years now my only companion has been my mate and though i love him dearly i really do need someone else i can talk to but it seems impossible sometimes. God mental disorders suck... I honestly would love to just to get to know someone again and become friends, even if its only online. It's very isolating not having friends. WHY IS IT SO HARD?!
 
I understand, I have autism (mild) and sometimes speak without thinking. I also have social anxiety and mild general anxiety.
I know it sounds hard, I'm in the same situation, but you have to overcome any nervousness and actually try to talk to people. It won't be easy! I still can't do it very well, but I know you have to! Just act kind towards people, help them if they need it, just the simple things can make a big difference.

Online socialising a lot easier but it is still good practice! Oh, and for the record, I'm 18, have a nice enough personality (most of the time!), I'm actually quite handsome (I think: www.furaffinity.net: hey there! by MAGIKzMushroom ). So sometimes it's just down to being unlucky or other people's ignorance!

I hope things improve, and I'm always here if you want to talk :)
 

SodaBubbles

I will deliver the explosion
I have anxiety. Making friends is hella hard. Especially since I'm a) basically a manic pixie dream girl b) I take zero shit c) I speak plainly whenever possible d) I don't need to drink or get drunk to have fun.

All of that plus anxiety and bpd means people will seem all into it for a while and then are just like ".....eh whatever". Used to be a lot easier to make friends but now, people seem to want to know you REALLY WELL before becoming friends. :/ Isn't that how you become friends? You learn the basics, see what you have in common, and go from there? *sigh*
 

Dazreiello

Incomprehensible horror. DRAGON
I have anxiety. Making friends is hella hard. Especially since I'm a) basically a manic pixie dream girl b) I take zero shit c) I speak plainly whenever possible d) I don't need to drink or get drunk to have fun.

All of that plus anxiety and bpd means people will seem all into it for a while and then are just like ".....eh whatever". Used to be a lot easier to make friends but now, people seem to want to know you REALLY WELL before becoming friends. :/ Isn't that how you become friends? You learn the basics, see what you have in common, and go from there? *sigh*
People grow ball on the internet. People have grown impatient in modern society. The gap between Stupid people and Smart people ratio has grown wider over the years. Usually when you meet people on the internet and they'd rather know you REALLY WELL off the bat, that is misfortune of todays life :c No one is serious anymore about making new friends because they take the shots into the crowd of many like that and still get atleast a good % to bite, so it becomes effective in their minds.

Sad sad truffs -_-




Wanna go get dinner?? :confused::D
 

TheKC

Fuzzy drawing dragon!
People off line just don't understand me. I've kind of given up. I have a lot of friends online that seem to understand me and I've come to value that.

Being I work at home all day, I don't really get to talk to anyone besides family. I don't feel like I relate to this location every well so I don't feel the need to look for friends. We hope to go to a nicer area someday, maybe there will be more my times there.

I'm intrested what others have to say about making friends, I'd like to know. =3
 

Dazreiello

Incomprehensible horror. DRAGON
People off line just don't understand me. I've kind of given up. I have a lot of friends online that seem to understand me and I've come to value that.

Being I work at home all day, I don't really get to talk to anyone besides family. I don't feel like I relate to this location every well so I don't feel the need to look for friends. We hope to go to a nicer area someday, maybe there will be more my times there.

I'm intrested what others have to say about making friends, I'd like to know. =3
In my area, Its tough to find anyone with the same interest who are even compassionate enough to be good friends with. Like the, Oh ew drama, Im go hand with my homies, type of people. Then there are those who are with their GF/BFs and just dont have time for you, so you end up like SUPER 3rd wheel. Let alone not being very easy to find furries around here in Grand Rapids x.x Doesn't help that in the real world, while I have charisma, I do not have courage to be the one to approach others to find out if they're friendly or not. So basically, shy, but not afraid to talk at all when spoken to.
 

Simo

Professional Watermelon Farmer
In my area, Its tough to find anyone with the same interest who are even compassionate enough to be good friends with. Like the, Oh ew drama, Im go hand with my homies, type of people. Then there are those who are with their GF/BFs and just dont have time for you, so you end up like SUPER 3rd wheel. Let alone not being very easy to find furries around here in Grand Rapids x.x Doesn't help that in the real world, while I have charisma, I do not have courage to be the one to approach others to find out if they're friendly or not. So basically, shy, but not afraid to talk at all when spoken to.

Hey you're from Bland, er, I mean Grand Rapids? =p I grew up outside of Traverse City, so I know that town pretty well. Going down there was our families trip to the 'big city'. (Seems there'd be a few furs there, but they can be hard to ferret out.)

But then I went to college, and ended up in Baltimore. And though I've had a ton of friends IRL, and a mate, I've never had any local furry friends, even in an area like DC/Baltimore, where there's millions and millions of people. I've had close furry friends I've met online visit here from Finland, North Carolina and France, and while that's been nice, it's weird how it seems so hard to find anyone local...and I do try, but for some reason, local furs already seem to have their little cliques, or are scared or hiding, or something. Maybe I'll meet some local ones at the con this year, down near DC.

So while I'm a social, easy-going, generous sort, it always baffles me why there's no furries out here. Maybe there's just not many furries in the city, and it's more of a suburban thing? Anyway, friends, easy, furry-friends...not so easy.
 

Dazreiello

Incomprehensible horror. DRAGON
Hey you're from Bland, er, I mean Grand Rapids? =p I grew up outside of Traverse City, so I know that town pretty well. Going down there was our families trip to the 'big city'. (Seems there'd be a few furs there, but they can be hard to ferret out.)

But then I went to college, and ended up in Baltimore. And though I've had a ton of friends IRL, and a mate, I've never had any local furry friends, even in an area like DC/Baltimore, where there's millions and millions of people. I've had close furry friends I've met online visit here from Finland, North Carolina and France, and while that's been nice, it's weird how it seems so hard to find anyone local...and I do try, but for some reason, local furs already seem to have their little cliques, or are scared or hiding, or something. Maybe I'll meet some local ones at the con this year, down near DC.

So while I'm a social, easy-going, generous sort, it always baffles me why there's no furries out here. Maybe there's just not many furries in the city, and it's more of a suburban thing? Anyway, friends, easy, furry-friends...not so easy.
Yea, thats true actually lol, and it also doesnt help that you couldnt really just go around town asking if they like furries from the get-go. I saw one convention should be happening in GR (Yea, its bland, Rivertown is more exciting) around may I think, I might try that for the first time in my life lol.
 

Simo

Professional Watermelon Farmer
Yea, thats true actually lol, and it also doesnt help that you couldnt really just go around town asking if they like furries from the get-go. I saw one convention should be happening in GR (Yea, its bland, Rivertown is more exciting) around may I think, I might try that for the first time in my life lol.

That's cool there's gonna probably be a con there. I say go! We went to one last year, and had a lot of fun. Can't say we met anyone beyond casual conversation, but it was like some manic-non-stop-crazy-surreal-drunken -slumber party.

Grand Rapids did seem like it was starting to cultivate a kinda trendy/artsy district, but it's been so long since I've been there. I recall seeing some good punk shows there.

I wonder if they have any smaller meets? I can't recall where, but some fur I was talking to said they were having meets way up in Traverse City, which I found good to hear...we might be moving back in a few years, so I'm hoping that the cold of northern Michigan brings out the furs :)

~


But not to hijack the thread for the OP:

I agree, it is hard. I used to be really anxious, socially. Now, I'm quite the extrovert, but it took a while of forcing myself to go out, and take my chances meeting people, but it paid off. I think it may be harder 'cause more and more, people are just in this online world, and not out at coffeehouses and hanging out skateboarding and going to see bands play or having wild, late night parties, or calm-day-times parties, so you have fewer chances to meet IRL, or so it strikes me.
 

Lashzara

Fizzy pringle
I have dissociative identity disorder, so I always have friends. All jokes aside, I feel like having a lot of friends is a lot of stress. I'd rather have a few friends that I know very well who if we hang out it is just playing videogames or talking about conspiracy theories. Maybe that's just my introverted personality saying that, though.
 

TheKC

Fuzzy drawing dragon!
In my area, Its tough to find anyone with the same interest who are even compassionate enough to be good friends with. Like the, Oh ew drama, Im go hand with my homies, type of people. Then there are those who are with their GF/BFs and just dont have time for you, so you end up like SUPER 3rd wheel. Let alone not being very easy to find furries around here in Grand Rapids x.x Doesn't help that in the real world, while I have charisma, I do not have courage to be the one to approach others to find out if they're friendly or not. So basically, shy, but not afraid to talk at all when spoken to.
OMG I went to Kendall Collage! XD I think there would be more people to hang with in GR, or at least I did when I was in college.
I miss going to college.
 
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Dazreiello

Incomprehensible horror. DRAGON
I have dissociative identity disorder, so I always have friends. All jokes aside, I feel like having a lot of friends is a lot of stress. I'd rather have a few friends that I know very well who if we hang out it is just playing videogames or talking about conspiracy theories. Maybe that's just my introverted personality saying that, though.
Yea thats what I tend to enjoy, but the problem is lately its quick for those small groups of friends to hardly have any time at all to even speak to you or play the same things anymore. While ofcourse, they are still friends, I do want to have people to actively do things with :c so Im just in hopes to find more people once more
 

Lashzara

Fizzy pringle
Yea thats what I tend to enjoy, but the problem is lately its quick for those small groups of friends to hardly have any time at all to even speak to you or play the same things anymore. While ofcourse, they are still friends, I do want to have people to actively do things with :c so Im just in hopes to find more people once more
Yeah, I feel like I have a hundred friends but I'm only friends with 2 of them at a time for several months on end.
 

Dazreiello

Incomprehensible horror. DRAGON
Friendship!? Can be a difficult thing. I don't mind friendship actually.
:3 Friends are great still to have, even if you arent actively playing with them, the ones who are worth it are those who will actually have your back when shit hits the fan. But otherwise, Its all chill, but still nice to have friends who are actively interested in hanging with you atleast a couple times in a week XD
 

SodaBubbles

I will deliver the explosion
People grow ball on the internet. People have grown impatient in modern society. The gap between Stupid people and Smart people ratio has grown wider over the years. Usually when you meet people on the internet and they'd rather know you REALLY WELL off the bat, that is misfortune of todays life :c No one is serious anymore about making new friends because they take the shots into the crowd of many like that and still get atleast a good % to bite, so it becomes effective in their minds.

Sad sad truffs -_-




Wanna go get dinner?? :confused::D

You seem to be laboring under the impression that I'm both single and interested. I'm in a closed poly relationship, but thanks.

Also- that kind of attitude doesn't help, assuming that there's some divide between people like "smart" and "stupid" and so on. It gives people the arbitrary right to decide who's stupid and who isn't. Spells trouble, really.
 

Spazzlez

Simply One Hell of a Pokemon Master
I'm just don't like the rednecks that surround me, also I have a pretty nasty temper on some days.
 

Dazreiello

Incomprehensible horror. DRAGON
You seem to be laboring under the impression that I'm both single and interested. I'm in a closed poly relationship, but thanks.

Also- that kind of attitude doesn't help, assuming that there's some divide between people like "smart" and "stupid" and so on. It gives people the arbitrary right to decide who's stupid and who isn't. Spells trouble, really.
That is true, and I applaud you for being able to give such facts up front like that rather than ignoring someone or skirt around it :D

Honestly I kinda just like to be a little flirtatious to compliment women while I am content with being single atm, otherwise Id be to shy to even say anything to you. I do it with just enough creep factor to keep anything from actually developing between be and someone : p kinda a, ur cute, id date u, but intentionally not attractive enough to make it cruel incase someone might like me for it
 

Sforzie

Professional Kuja fangirl
The need for friends stems back from the old old days when we were still huddled masses scraping by in caves, depending on each other to survive. We panic when we feel we don't have enough friends because we're worried about being kicked out of the cave and having to fend for ourselves out in the cold. Or something like that.

I have a fair amount of acquaintances, mostly online, but really only one person I'd call my friend. That doesn't really bother me, though. I mean, I don't feel the need for more friends. (As others have said, more friends means having to deal with more of other people's stupid bs.) I suppose I would have been the weirdo kicked out the cave, waiting outside the cave with a knife ready to shank the unwary and take their stuff. (Brb asking my shrink-in-training gf what that says about me.)

It's okay to want to have other friends, just make sure you aren't neglecting the one(s) you do have in your quest for something new.

#nothelpful2016
 

Somnium

The Sparklewolf
Banned
I think we a drawn into friendships not due to practical reasons, but because of our nature. We are social beings after all. Making friends ain't hard. Just be happy, be yourself, try to have fun and you'll naturally attract people. It's not rocket science.
 
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Jazz Panther

Swing the Mood!
I feel lonely sometimes, and it is mainly because of hobbies rather than my disorder. I do have ADHD (and supposedly, I have Aspergers Syndrome, but it hasn't be officially diagnosed yet), but that hasn't stopped me from making friends in the past. Although...to be fair, I never really felt like I fit in when I was in High School, and that was mainly because of my hobbies. What it is doesn't matter, but let's just say it was....Mmm, unusual? No, it isn't an unusual hobby. I'll put it this way, I was one of the few people in my school who had this hobby/interest. Normally, people who had this hobby would keep it to themselves, but I wasn't afraid to share it with my classmates, and I actually became popular for it. But unfortunately, it had some consequences linked to it. Not everybody liked me, a lot of people got tired of me always talking about my hobby, and a few people realized how retarded I was at the time and took the opporotunity to "have some fun with me".
It also meant I would never get a girl friend, or for that matter, barely even have girls as friends. I know, "it is not a big deal, not everybody finds their first love in High School". Trust me, I have heard that sh-peel dozens of times already, it's getting kind of old. And don't tell me you wouldn't feel the pressure to get one if everybody else who you were friends with that you sat with at your lunch table either currently has a girl friend or had a girl friend in the past.

But on the note of making friends, you shouldn't let things like depression get in the way. Most people are not as cold as you think they are. Just strike up a conversation with somebody about a neutral topic (food, weather, music, school, etc.), find a common ground, get a feel for how the person responds to you, and go from there. Try to not bore them to death and go on a monologue (that is something I would do...if my post doesn't give that away), engage in the other person and take interest in them.
 

Suki262

Bun-Bun
I know the feeling of not having much friends.... I didn't start making friends in like groups till I got into high school. Other than that I had my relatives and/or my own thoughts force me to hang with the cool kids even though I didn't necessarily fit in. I was also socially awkward growing up as my sarcastic attitude and brutally honest nature used to get me into trouble (Still do as I am still working on it) and making friends was difficult as I couldn't find people who was into the stuff that I was into.... The point is try to find people who are able to understand your pov of where you stand as a person and accept you for who you are regardless of your flaws.
 

SodaBubbles

I will deliver the explosion
That is true, and I applaud you for being able to give such facts up front like that rather than ignoring someone or skirt around it :D

Honestly I kinda just like to be a little flirtatious to compliment women while I am content with being single atm, otherwise Id be to shy to even say anything to you. I do it with just enough creep factor to keep anything from actually developing between be and someone : p kinda a, ur cute, id date u, but intentionally not attractive enough to make it cruel incase someone might like me for it

You're going about it wrong. Entirely, completely wrong. You don't play games with people and expect they'll get it. And explaining just makes you look like a manipulative jerk rather than a pleasant person. Either be flirtatious, own up to it, deal with the fallout and set someone straight if you're uninterested, like I do; OR be plain friendly.

But this "I like to be flirtatious to compliment women" comes off as blatantly sexist whether you mean it or not. I'm perfectly comfortable with myself, I don't need someone else's flirtation to feel good.
 
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