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WTF Customers

Scorpen

Literal S.O.B
Let's share those WTF customer moments that just make us lose all hope for humanity. I work in customer service, and I'm sure quite a few of us do as well. Just when I think I've seen/heard it all some person comes along and proves me wrong.

The other day this happened: I was helping a new employee take a customers order and this older guy tells us he wants extra onions on his sandwich. Not an uncommon request. As I'm showing the new person how to ring it in this guy continues with; "Please make sure there really is a lot of extra onions on my sandwich, It's my anniversary and my wife is gonna want sex. I want really bad breath because I need to do everything I can to keep her off of me."
Then the awkward silence... The new employee is trying not to laugh and it's taking every bit of restraint I have to not roll my eyes in this guys face.

This was a fairly tame incident compared to some.

Another time I had a drunk guy pass out in his car in the drive thru, and proceed to hit the car ahead of him. The police were called and all that jazz... Meanwhile this drunk guy is throwing an absolute tantrum and trying to blame the fact that he hit the other car because the restaurant was "too slow" and if we had been faster they wouldn't have been in his way. He was hauled off in handcuffs.

I have a lot more stories of dealing with the general public over the years but I wanna hear some others. Let the cring-worthyness begin!
 

DarkoKavinsky

ʎʇʇɐq ʇıq ɐ
My onion rings are too loud.

My burger is too hot.

I SAID NO MUSTARD! (slams burger on the counter) Manager points out what the yellow stuff is, is actually cheese.
 

Yakamaru

Cyberpunk musta Susi
Oh boy, do I have shit to share. :p

TL;DR: I worked previously at a support department in a retail electronics store.

Customer 1: The Walking Dump.
Seriously. The guy smelled so bad all other customers that day just literally couldn't stay in the building for the rest of the day. And I had to deal with this disgusting creature. $50 he didn't even know what a shower was, or that the moment he laid eyes on one, it broke. For 15 minutes I helped the guy set up a new Facebook account, new Apple ID and showed him how to do shit. Just basic stuff, you know. But every moment of those 15 minutes I wanted to puke so bad, you have no idea. The department leader just immediately excused himself the moment this customer arrived and I later found out he was at the bathroom, throwing up. Now, I have a strong stomach for a lot of crap. But this guy? He smelled so bad you'd rather visit a dump for a week. Best part? We referred him to a different electronics store about a 3 minute walk from there, let THEM deal with Stinky here.

Customer 2: "Mr. Charming".
About 5 months after I had started working there we had a customer who I dubbed "Mr. Charming". Why? Extremely aggressive the moment he walked in the door. He was 10000% certain there was something wrong with his TV, said it shut itself off at random intervals and some other problems with it. We were to blame for it apparently, as he had bought that 55-incher at our place. 2 years ago. We asked how much he was using it and for how long. Apparently he and his family had been using it near constantly for 2 years straight. And so we asked for some more information on what the problem may be, and he left rather pissed. We agreed to test the TV for a week to see if the fault reappeared. Guess what. It didn't. For a whole week it worked without any problems whatsoever. A week goes by and he comes back still pissed as fuck. I was very tempted to call the police on the guy as he was making threats that could quite easily be considered genuine.

I have more, but eh. I am sleepy as well, and have barely slept for the past 2 days. >_>
 

Kellan Meig'h

Kilted Luthier
In a family-owned hardware story, Christmas time in the electrical department;

Customer: "I need one of those double pronged adaptors for my Christmas lights."
Me: "What, one of the three to two prong adaptors if you don't have a three prong outlet?"
Customer: "No, one that has the male prongs on both sides so I can hook my strings of lights together."
Me: "Wut?!?"
Customer: "They were right here with the other adaptors last year! I don't seem them offhand so I thought I would ask."
Me: "Sir, they don't make one like that. The Underwriters Laboratory would never allow that. What if you plugged it into the hot side first? The exposed prongs would be hot and you could get shocked."
Customer, getting exasperated: "Can you look in the back? I need one real bad."
Me: "Sir, couldn't you just reverse the light strings that are backwards? Seems safer to me in the long run."
Customer, shaking his head: "We're talking about twenty strings here. That would take all day!"
Me: "Sorry, I don't have an answer to your problem."

Customer wanders off, then I see him a few minutes later with two electrical plugs and a foot of SO cord. Wonder if he got shocked or not.
 

Guifrog

Blue Frog | Avatar by Lenago
I was restoring this damaged photo with a faceless/almost bodiless woman. The client provided me a photo of how she looked like. As follows, the suggestions she made me after each round of revised job, in chronological order:

- Gui, I think her neck looks too long. May you shorten it a bit?
- Better, but I'm also thinking about her face as a whole, I'll give you another photo.
- I think the older version was better. Try making her hips larger, though. Also, here's another photo of her.
- Alright, now may you enlarge her right arm a bit so it harmonizes better with her body?
- I think it's fine. What do you think about lightening her left side of the face just a bit?
- Yes, now just another little thing and we're done: make her left eye a tad bit bigger.
- Gui, would you mind lowering her left eyebrow?
- Okay, I've been thinking hard about it and I decided to stay with the third-to-last version. Thanks a lot for your patience, Gui!

It was both funny and tiresome ;P
 

Joni

I'm a hot dog
Screenshot_2018-06-11-01-38-01-1.png
 

Faunic

Dropping yeets into conversations since 1987
I work at McDonald's (hallow be thy name), so I experience a lot of..... 'interesting' characters.

So this woman came in with her 7/8 year old daughter, and I was on the till, and here was the convo
(I'll be using C for customer, F for myself and M for manager)

C: Can I get a chicken nugget happy meal with a smoothie for the drink
F: Sorry madam, but you can't have the smoothie with the happy meal, as you can only have small drinks with it.
C: Ok fine I'll have the drink seperately

*I give her the receipt and a couple minutes pass* *She comes back to the counter*

C: Sorry, but why is it that I'm paying over £5 for this?
F: So it's £2.89 for the happy meal, and £2.29 for the smoothie
C: But why is the drink not coming with the meal?
F: Because you ordered it seperately
C: But I don't understand, this receipt makes no f***ing sense

*I spend a couple mins trying to explain it* *Queue starts getting a bit long, I call a manager over to deal with it* (bear in mind there are usually 2 or 3 managers in store at any time)

M: Sorry madam what's the problem?
C: I don't understand why my order is so expensive, how much is a happy meal?
M: I don't know sorry, let me check the till for you
C: EXCUSE ME YOU DONT KNOW YOUR OWN PRICES WHAT KIND OF F***ING ESTABLISHMENT IS THIS
M: I'm sorry madam there are over 100 prices on our tills I can't remember every single one of them
C: I'M SORRY BUT YOU'RE A F***KING JOKE YOU IDIOTIC C***
M: Ok I'm not f***ing dealing with this

*Manager LEAVES THE RESTAURANT, I'm standing there like brain.exe is not responding, woman looking at me like uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh, her child is just kind of there*

F: So can I help anyone else?

*Woman finally gets her food*

C: THIS IS THE WRONG DRINK, YOU F**KING MORONS
F: No madam, I can promise you this is the right drink
*She looks at menu screen*
C: Oh yeah sorry about that, I'm Jewish, I read right to left
*In my mind I'm thinking WHO IS F*** IS THIS WOMAN, THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE*
F: Ahh yes madam that's completely understandable, have a nice day

She ended up getting a full refund from another manager what is even real.

And that's my life.... please end it :p
 

Scorpen

Literal S.O.B
One of my more savage moments: I was working the drive thru and dealing with this car full of screaming, obnoxious girls. I handed them their food and one of them screeches "can I have your number?!" I simply replied "no". She then proceeds to scream "why not?!". I looked her straight in the eye and said "cuz I have standards". Closed the window and walked off.
 

Simo

Professional Watermelon Farmer
Geez, I have a lotta them, from my restaurant days, to now, where I work in a library, near DC, at a University. So one day, this middle aged lady storms up to desk, cuts in front of the line and demands we get her the number to the CIA, the FBI and the head of the Defense Department, and she appears very well dressed, but, well, in an agitated, almost paranoid state. Oh, and she also had this very prim and proper British accent. (only angry!) And so I look up the #'s for basic information to the first two (easy enough) and she gets all huffy saying she wants NAMES...the ACTUAL PEOPLE, and then, storms off, yelling SHE HASN'T GOT ALL DAY!!!! Sometimes, you just see a person approaching, and you sense trouble; this was one such time...
 

GarthTheWereWolf

Captious Lycanthrope of Forum Legend
Way back in one of my first jobs when I worked at grocery store, I remember I was stocking shelves and this biker dude and his wife came up to me and asked where some stuff was.

I told them, they thanked me, but then before they left they turned around and said, “Hey, you’re pretty cute. Do you swing? Want to have a threesome?”

I being around 16 at the time was like... ‘uhm, no thanks’

To which they replied, “you don’t know what you’re missing” and proceeded to follow me for around the store for a bit continuing to try to wheedle me into doing it. I hurried off to my coworkers because I obviously required an adult. Lol

It would have been flattering if it wasn’t so damned creepy because y’know, I was 16 and they were scary biker couple in their 50s.

Fuck retail. The hell is wrong with people.
 

AppleButt

Well-Known Member
One time a guy rented a small 2 seater plane from us. It started sleeting out of nowhere a few minutes after he took off, but he decided to fly around in it for awhile, anyway. When he landed the plane was covered in ice and he only had a hole the size of a baseball on the window that he could see through. He said he landed because the engine started making funny noises. Of course it did dude, that was probably the carburetor icing.

I still don’t know how he didn’t crash. If I had known it was going to sleet I wouldn’t have given him the plane to rent, but it's not really on me to check the weather, either. This was several years ago though. Haven’t seen that guy since thank god.
 

jinxyoureit

Smol Egg
TLDR; Man gets impatient after 5 minutes, gets his food, and complains about it not having anything despite him stating plain, leaves without food

So this guy came into my work and he asked for some churros, it’s like the most popular item so we’re like yea, ok. My coworker asks him how he wants it sugared, and he says plain. Take note of this, because we offer two kinds (brown sugar and cinnamon sugar). So he sits at a table and waits. In like, 5 minutes he gets up and starts hollering about how he’s been there for “literally 20 minutes”. My boss hears the ruckus and calms him down by telling him it’s done. My coworker packaged them and hands it to him, to which he looks at it in disgust, because there’s no sugar on it. He asks my coworker what the hell it is, and she responds, plain, like he wanted it. He gets angrier and starts to tell us off about how he said plain, as in like a regular churro and it’s not like wanted cream cheese or something like that on it.

This one really pisses me off because my boss scolded us for it like andjfkslksndo
 

Scorpen

Literal S.O.B
Alright, here's another one. I had a lady come through the drive thru and order a pack of Marlboro lights. I stopped, and was like "what?" thinking I misheard. I apologized to her and asked her to repeat what she had just said because I didn't catch it. She then procedes to shout in this long drawn out voice. "IIIIIIIIII SAAAAAAIIIIIDDDDDD AAAAA PACKKKKKKKKK OFFFFFFFFFFF MAAAAARRRRRRLLLLBBBBOOOORRRRROOOOO LIIIIGGGGHHHHTTTSSSSSSSSS!!!!!" I thin responded with "I'm sorry m'am but this is a McDonalds... we don't sell cigarettes here." She then responds with "well, then you're just going to have to go across the street to the gas station and get them for me". I told her "I'm sorry I can't do that but you are more than welcome to drive across the street to the gas station and buy your own cigarettes." She then comes unglued and demands to speak to the manager. To which I replied: "M'am I am the manager, no one here is going to go buy your cigarettes for you and if you are not going to buy something we can sell you then you need to leave". She then starts to scream and shout about BS customer service and how the customer is always right regardless, blah, blah, blah. I interrupted her over her fit and told her if she didn't leave my drive thru immediately I would be calling the police and have her escorted from the premises. She then shouts at me "You won't call the police!" Guess what happened next?
I called the police and they served her a no trespassing order and escorted her from the premises!
 

Phr0ggy_Phangs

Certified Monster Smoocher
I work for this hotel chain, specifically one of their "select" brands. I take various 'call-ins' during the week, ranging from laundry, to maintenance, to housekeeping. However, those aren't where most of my interesting stories happen. On weekends, no matter what, I take the weekend breakfast shifts since no one else wants to. Most because we don't have time to talk to customers on weekend, being too busy cooking, cleaning, and re-stalking. So I definitely don't get the same tips the weekday counterparts get.

You see, since we don't got runners 'n shit, I do all the running. We have a thick, oak door with a knob instead of a lockless door. Thus, I keep it open. However, customers often see this as an open entree to walk into my kitchen.

One day, I took a shift for breakfast on a Thursday for my co-worker who had a doctor's appointment. Didn't even have time to take my coat off when an old man walks in. He pops open my microwave (mostly reserved for employees to heat up their meals) and placed his food in, pretending to ignore me until I said, 'hello' to some extent. He said he needed to heat up his food and I just kinda let him. I washed my hands, went out to check and refill the coffee station, came back, he was shaking my microwave. I run over, asking what's the problem. He wanted to do only 30 seconds, but didn't know how to. So, he kept trying to press '3,' only for it to automatically input it for three minutes. Instead of just stopping it after 30 seconds in, he kept trying to put it in for 30 seconds without changing his tactic. (Sidenote: You just press 'start,' it automatically does it for 30 seconds) So, I offered to do it for him, only for him to pop it open and yell at me for something about 'making him do it himself' and stormed off. I just went on with my day.

Not too much else that's interesting. A few times with our toaster catching on fire from customers trying to put a whole bagel in. Kids relieving themselves from morning sickness, right on my floor. An actual milk fight. A guy who yelled at me when he left his paraplegic daughter for 40 minutes alone, and she messed herself. Fights, all the sorts.

A few other stuff happened in housekeeping and maintence, and even just stuff I witnessed from front desk.

Please enter 25 credits to continue.
 

fourur

petit trou du luke
i come to the bakery, because a old lady would give back is rice bread, it was too hard to cut, she launch it on the board like, *meh gimmy back mi monay* i was like ok not big deal i will not make an drama , but she 'll want another bread, and she was like, shit hunnnn ho shit* and left.

I have another one but it is uplifting , a man didn't know what suncream to buy to go on his trip on desert, and i think i was too nice to him and all, and when he go to pay, it went well (i'm the cashier too) and he get out, 5 sec after he re enter, come to me, and give me a paper for Jehovah's Witness; not that i'm againt religion,he left and i laught, i think he showed me his ampathy and sympathy i had for him, I hade a good day
 

Skychickens

Late Healer Ferret
Hooooooooo boy buckle down children. I’m miserable and sick of retail. Let’s see what I have in my repertoire.

My favorite always has been and always will be the time I worked at an office supply store. I’m doing my spiel and a guy spends so long just staring at me I’m just moving on without waiting for answers like I should...but it’s getting ridiculous. At some point after a looooooooong silence (I’m talking at least a solid minute) he goes “can you hurry up? My time is more valuable than yours.” I literally have tried to forget this man. I compare all bad interactions with him.

I had another customer once that came in ready to fight any woman he saw. Didn’t matter what I said, how I said it, or if another woman came to help. Eventually the male manager came by. Said exactly the same thing I did. Literally word for word. The man tells him about how fucking stupid the woman was and how she needed fired. The manager literally snuck away to tell me to hide, but close enough if it escalated any further I should call the police.

I’m not going into the countless customers when I worked at the deli that bitched about the exact milimeter thickness of their meat, or the bitchy woman that got me reported because I said I couldn’t reset the slicer to slice her multiple pounds of stupidly dirty meat three minutes to close after I had JUST been written up for staying late so often. Or the people that would talk too quietly (its hard to hear over a counter as tall as you with all kinds of buzzing) and then either leave or start screaming about your customer service if you asked them to speak up you can’t see their finger pointing at six different dishes or hear them.

Aaaand my shitty petstore job. Ho boy. People don’t believe me we get the worst of the bunch when you actually deal with the small animals. I have had people come in after leaving their new pet in the car for hours in southern hear and wonder why their animal was dead, despite the spiel and the paper they signed, aaaand the fact the box states what it does. I’ve had customers return hamsters because they wanted different colors. I get people all the time screaming we don’t sell live feeder mice.

The best of the latter is the person that screamed “well how am I supposed to feed my snake?!” A: we sell frozen. Otherwise you have to find another option. B: We don’t sell feeder mice, it’s why our pet mice and rats are so expensive. C: you should have considered that before purchasing a snake. D: Most serious snake owners around here breed their own or network for a reason.
She proceeded to scream about “what kind of petstore is this” and threaten she was going to report us and burn the place down. Have fun lady.

My absolute favorite though was a time I was working on fixing some errors a new person did before I came in. Some hamsters had the wrong food and wheels. I had a full cart of these things and was obviously working on fixing them when some customers stopped me and wanted to see the guinea pigs and get some info. There’s this woman. I can still see her as clearly as I can see the first man of these stories in my head. Her glasses are duct taped together in the center and she looks like she just stepped from a tumblr post. She budges into my conversation and goes “excuse me are you the small animal expert” yeah. I am. I’m expert of many things but excuse me I’m with another guest. I’ll be with you in a moment. Best retail voice I have, nicest way I can. Well she goes on about how the gerbils have no wheel and the one syrian have too small a wheel and is going to break their backs. I motion to the cart, explain we had a new person earlier I was in the process of fixing it I just was with another guest give me some time god dammit. She starts going hellfire on me about how this is her job she goes around stores like mine making sure we do our job and clearly we don’t. Had me drop what I was doing to fetch a manager. The customers i was with was like hey lady chill, she’s clearly doing the best she can lay off. The lady straight up goes “well aren’t you a little bitch.”
Then I have her wait bu the registers while the store manager frees up so I can FINISH FIXING AND TAKING CARE OF MY CUSTOMER. The others were really sweet and reassuring. I later find out the woman was touting how terrible a customer service person I was, how she was going to have my job, etc. to the cashier. The cashier was like wtf you cant be talking about her she’s so much better than that she’d never. Oh no I was satan and this woman was going to tell everyone. Then I find out from the store manager she was trying to tell him that she worked for corporate. Gave names of supervisors that didn’t exist. And when he informed her he’d be checking in about her story, he would be reporting her for unprofessionalism, she was goin on about how she was in civilian clothing it didn’t matter how she behaved. Everything about her story was bad and corporate had no idea who she was. Never saw her again.

Another lady i can also see well literally threatened to kill me and went into great detail about it for “throwing around” an old, noisy ladder attached to a wall and being a terrible person when selling her fish. How she was going to pull my pony tail and smash my face into the podium and drown me in fish water. I would have liked to see her try.

I have had kids take the scissors from my podium and try to cut off my hair while I was fishing out things for their parents, and their parents just laughed and asked if I wanted a free haircut. No. Stay away from my hair. Control your children.

Not to mention all the time parents try to leave their kids with me like I’m a baby sitter. I had a guest at the deli whos kid got behind the counter and I walked them out to their oblivious parents. Who told me to just stick them in the oven, and were appalled when I said “dont tempt me.”

And I’ve had guests try to literally run me over in my car after learning I have a wife.

I’m going to stop here...
 

Scorpen

Literal S.O.B
Here's a few more!

Once had a fat kid get stuck in the playland slide... You don't know how difficult it is to try to keep a straight face while this hysterical, screaming parent is right in your face shouting "MY KID IS STUCK IN YOUR SLIDE"

Some guy once brought in a pile of sticks and tried to pay with them. His reasoning was: "This is love currency, these are worth millions where I'm from". My response was: "I'm terribly sorry, we don't accept love currency here, we only take U.S. currency, Visa, MasterCard, or American Express". He stormed out muttering to himself.

Had to call the fire department to put out a Chevy Nova that caught on fire in the drive thru.

When I was working graveyard after the lobby had closed I turned a guy away because we don't take walk up orders in the drive thru. He came back about 30 minutes later with a cardboard box strapped on himself with paper plates stapled to the sides, headlights and a grille drawn on the front with a sharpie and was holding a paper plate as a steering wheel. He then informs me "Yeah, this is my car... it's a corrugated piece of shit but get's great mileage!" I sold the man some food and he walked off making "vroom, vroom" noises.

I have more but I'll stop for now otherwise I'd go on all day.
 

WithMyBearHands

Smudge and arrogant
YAAAAAAS BITCH THIS IS JUST WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR

Okay so we have this regular (she just always comes inside and uses the bathroom, never buys anything) and she’s known as the “bag lady”. Apparently she would get so fucked up on so many drugs in her youth that even though she’s clean now, her mind is a little out there. Pushes a shopping cart around all day full of nothing but plastic bags. And she always has a different insanely wacky outfit on every day.

I don’t feel particularly comfortable using the bathroom after she’s gone (she’s a little gross) so been using men’s room all through my shift. I go in SEVEN (7) HOURS after she leaves and I can STILL smell the suffocating perfume she damn near showers in.

Now, we’ve been closed for an hour and I still smell like that disgusting perfume.
 

WithMyBearHands

Smudge and arrogant
I had a customer get upset because I refused a cigarette sale where they where buying for someone on the phone, and bodily throw a box of kuerig cups at my face in anger. I opted not to press charges because they where old as dirt.
“But ______ does it for me all the time!” Like fukoff with that lol
 
I've become a lot more lenient with cigs as long as you clearly aren't purchasing for a minor, and clearly aren't a minor; But I had a woman try to give me a State ID so old I can't find pictures of it on google today for a money service transaction. I also have a regular that screams until you let her use her federal employment ID(which doesn't have her date of birth), and has been driving without a valid license now for over a month. I tried to warn her that would be a bad idea, and she screamed at me how I'm not the police. I had to resist replying; "if you drive through [part of town with incredibly racist cops] and get a ticket, that's not my fucking problem then."
 

WithMyBearHands

Smudge and arrogant
I'm still waiting to discover this mysterious "other store/person" who gives out freebies and off-menu services all the time. It sounds like a great place.
Someone actually tried to use it against me once. About a conversation I had had with them before. I told them we couldn’t do a refund with a receipt, we have to either fix the order or approve a credit to the caller immediately. Anything else is considered invalid. She waved an old ass receipt in my face and said that the manager told her she could do it.

I’ve never felt such a surge of power and adrenaline the likes of which comes with saying “I am the manager”
 

WithMyBearHands

Smudge and arrogant
Here's a few more!

Once had a fat kid get stuck in the playland slide... You don't know how difficult it is to try to keep a straight face while this hysterical, screaming parent is right in your face shouting "MY KID IS STUCK IN YOUR SLIDE"

Some guy once brought in a pile of sticks and tried to pay with them. His reasoning was: "This is love currency, these are worth millions where I'm from". My response was: "I'm terribly sorry, we don't accept love currency here, we only take U.S. currency, Visa, MasterCard, or American Express". He stormed out muttering to himself.

Had to call the fire department to put out a Chevy Nova that caught on fire in the drive thru.

When I was working graveyard after the lobby had closed I turned a guy away because we don't take walk up orders in the drive thru. He came back about 30 minutes later with a cardboard box strapped on himself with paper plates stapled to the sides, headlights and a grille drawn on the front with a sharpie and was holding a paper plate as a steering wheel. He then informs me "Yeah, this is my car... it's a corrugated piece of shit but get's great mileage!" I sold the man some food and he walked off making "vroom, vroom" noises.

I have more but I'll stop for now otherwise I'd go on all day.
That last one is great. Even if they get under my skin sometimes, I have to hand it to the creative ones. Actually gave a guy a discount bc he cracked me up when he ordered a BLT with as much bacon as:
Him: You know Andre the Giant?
Me: yeah...
Him: Imagine Andre the Giant grabbing a fistful of bacon. That’s how much bacon I want.
 
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