Your favorite dark jokes
- Thread starter T0ast3r
- Start date
D
Deleted member 160111
Guest
I love black humor.
Here's a good one:
Guy: - My girlfriend broke up with me, and I took her wheelchair. Guess who crawled to me on his knees?..
Here's a good one:
Guy: - My girlfriend broke up with me, and I took her wheelchair. Guess who crawled to me on his knees?..
IJustWantUpdates
Moving to Furrypile! https://furrypile.co.uk/
Doctor: "You will live until 2055."
Patient: "That's great! I can do everything I wanted to!"
Doctor: *looks at his watch, which says '20:54'*
Patient: "That's great! I can do everything I wanted to!"
Doctor: *looks at his watch, which says '20:54'*
Yastreb
Well-Known Member
Lots of doctor and patient jokes here. Gotta add mine.
Patient: "Doctor, I know my condition is terminal. You don't have to beat around the bush, just tell me how long do I have left to live."
Doctor: "I'd say about ten..."
Patient: "Ten what?! Years? Months? Weeks?"
Doctor: "Nine... eight... seven... six..."
Patient: "Doctor, I know my condition is terminal. You don't have to beat around the bush, just tell me how long do I have left to live."
Doctor: "I'd say about ten..."
Patient: "Ten what?! Years? Months? Weeks?"
Doctor: "Nine... eight... seven... six..."
IJustWantUpdates
Moving to Furrypile! https://furrypile.co.uk/
Doctor: "I have bad news and worse news. The bad news is you've been given 24 hours to live."
Patient: "Oh no!! What's the worse news?!"
Doctor: "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."
Patient: "Oh no!! What's the worse news?!"
Doctor: "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."
a sleepy kitty
I'm eggscellent.
What is the difference between a Lamborghini and a sack full of dead bodies?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Kumali
Lupine-American
Reminds me of this one:
What's the difference between a baby and a bag of heroin?
Eric Clapton would never let a bag of heroin fall out a window.
What's the difference between a Porsche and a porcupine?
With a porcupine the pricks are on the outside.
Inferndragon
Dragon Doodler with a Tail Snake
If at first you don't succeed, then avoid skydiving at all costs...
Kumali
Lupine-American
A saying from the aviation world: There are old pilots, and there are bold pilots, but there are no old, bold pilots.
NilsTeutschLW97
Member
A man is trapped in the midst of the desert.
He finds a fountain.
With his last power, he crawls to the fountain and weakly says: "Water, water..."
A skeleton clims out of the fountain and asks: "Where?"
He finds a fountain.
With his last power, he crawls to the fountain and weakly says: "Water, water..."
A skeleton clims out of the fountain and asks: "Where?"
a sleepy kitty
I'm eggscellent.
I did Nazi that coming
a sleepy kitty
I'm eggscellent.
"Kids, I promise that we can visit him once a month."
"We'll be his period!
"
"We'll be his period!
"
Sodasats20
“D a t t e b a y o”
I have a business selling land mines disguised as yoga mats, the profits are through the roof
Foxridley
A fox named Ridley
Daryl got a text from his neighbor, Bob:
I have a confession to make: I've been using your wife for the past six months. I feel really guilty about it and just had to come clean. I promise it won't happen again.
Daryl was furious. He grabbed a shotgun, kicked in Bob's door, and shot him dead.
When he came back, he found another text from Bob, sent just a minute after the first:
Oops, I meant "WiFi", damn autocorrect.
I have a confession to make: I've been using your wife for the past six months. I feel really guilty about it and just had to come clean. I promise it won't happen again.
Daryl was furious. He grabbed a shotgun, kicked in Bob's door, and shot him dead.
When he came back, he found another text from Bob, sent just a minute after the first:
Oops, I meant "WiFi", damn autocorrect.
